


gnossienne

by rosixquinn



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Christianity, Enemies to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Orphan Minho, Slow Burn, it's not that heavy! i promise, jisung's mom is minho's godmother, older changbin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2019-07-20 17:25:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 30,834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16141976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosixquinn/pseuds/rosixquinn
Summary: gnossienne - n. a moment of awareness that someone you’ve known for years still has a private and mysterious inner life, and somewhere in the hallways of their personality is a door locked from the inside, a stairway leading to a wing of the house that you’ve never fully explored— Minho hadn’t been planning on opening the door to anyone. Somehow Jisung just made it happen.





	1. R U Happy Now?

**Author's Note:**

> just a heads up, this will definitely be a little bit more heavy and angsty than most of my works, but a happy ending is guaranteed so!!! i got this idea when i was actually traveling in spain?? very random i know but it has been waiting to be released for over a month now and even if it's very personal, i still hope you guys like it??

Minho suddenly wakes up, his chest heaving rapidly. He quickly glances at Jisung’s side of the room, thankful when he finds the younger’s bed empty. That just means no rude remarks or eyerolls from Jisung about how Minho ruined his sleep again with his moaning and senseless mumbling.

 

He tries to calm himself down, taking a few deep breaths in. He feels the back of his throat sting with unshed tears, but he’s used to the feeling. He was just having _that_ nightmare again, the one he’s been seeing ever since he was 12 years old. It always has different beginnings, but they're all nice, Minho spending quality time with his loved parents. But when they suddenly get into their car to drive off somewhere and Minho’s dad loses control over the car, they crash into a brick wall and everything turns into a big blur before Minho bolts awake.

 

The dream itself wouldn’t be so painful when this wasn’t also the last living memory that Minho has of his parents.

 

But Minho doesn’t exactly like starting his day with that memory, after all it kind of breaks his big act of the carefree attitude that he likes to show others. So he quickly empties his mind, atleast tries to, and rushes out of his bed while hastily getting dressed, ready to face whatever the day will bring his way.

 

When he heads downstairs, he’s reminded again why Saturday is the only day of the week that he actually enjoys. There’s no school nor church on Saturdays, so he can do whatever he wants without having to see his stupid schoolmate. Or even worse, the adults who only see him as an orphan, eyes full of pity. He can’t stand the fake sympathy.

 

“Good morning, Mrs. Han, Jisung.” Minho says, stepping into the tiny kitchen and acknowledging the other two people already there. There’s freshly made breakfast on the table, waiting to be served. The room is filled with the sweet aroma.

 

Jisung ignores his existence, as per usual, and keeps his eyes locked on his phone, but Mrs. Han greets him warmly and gives him a sweet smile. “Good morning. Take a seat, honey. I made waffles.”

 

As a religious household, they follow all sorts of traditions, only one of them is eating meals together. Minho would prefer it over going to church any minute.

 

You see, he doesn’t really believe in God. But his parents were Christian, and Mrs. Han is after all his godmother, treating Minho like he’s her own son, so going to the church with her is the least Minho can do. And they’ve never really forced their beliefs on Minho. Just in a small city like this, where everybody keeps their eyes on you, you have to atleast try to fit into the community. Even if it means getting up early every Sunday morning to do something you really don't care about.

 

“I need one of you to go to the post office for me later, your aunt sent me a package.” Mrs. Han says after a while, putting down her empty coffee cup.

 

“I’ll do it, mom.” Jisung says in a heartbeat, earning a thankful smile from Mrs. Han.

 

“Don’t waste too much time, then. You know the post office is only opened for a couple of hours on Saturdays.” Mrs. Han reminds Jisung, before she turns to Minho, still smiling.

 

“Could you sweetheart do me a favor, too? I need you to buy some groceries.” She says, her tone warm. “I’d do it myself, but I have some work to get done by the night. But I already made a list so you wouldn't forget anything.”

 

But before Minho can even think of a reply, Jisung is already talking. “I’ll swing by the supermarket on my way home, don’t worry, mom.”

 

“Hey, I’m perfectly capable of-”

 

“I’m sure Minho hyung has other important businesses to take care of.” Jisung stops him, sending a quick glare in his direction. “Wouldn’t want to bother him.”

 

It’s surprising, right? How cold-hearted Jisung is towards Minho, but never towards his mom.

 

Mrs. Han hasn’t had an easy life. When her partner, Jisung’s dad, found out she was pregnant with Jisung, he left them all alone. The only people who were there for Mrs. Han were Minho’s parents. Other people here just aren’t exactly fond of single mom’s, even if they don’t say anything, you can tell by the way they act. Minho can only imagine the secret conversations they have, despising Jisung's mom between their safe walls.

 

So Mrs. Han worked hard to have a place Jisung could call his home, and Minho knows Jisung appreciates everything his mother went through for him, just so he could have a better future.

 

“Stop bickering you two.” Mrs. Han laughs, while standing up. “I expect the two of you to clean up the table and take care of the dishes, okay? I’ll see you later, loves.” She says, before she leaves the kitchen.

 

Little does Mrs. Han know it’s not always just lighthearted bickering. Mostly never.

 

“Don’t you have someone waiting for you? I could clean the table myself, if you’d get out of the way, that is.” Jisung starts, already sucking all of the warmth in. The drastic change in Jisung's features doesn't come as a surprise.

 

“Why are you so bothered by mine and Changbin’s friendship? Ever thought of trying to get the fuck over it?” Minho says, while picking up the dirty dishes even if Jisung clearly told him not to. 

 

“You dare call that weirdo your friend?” Jisung chortles, but the laugh doesn’t reach his eyes. “You really just want to ruin my family’s reputation, huh.”

 

Jisung knows exactly what to say to get Minho’s blood boiling, but Minho doesn’t let him see how his words actually affect him.

 

“Atleast I don’t hang out with people who think bullying and teasing others just because they’re different is okay.” Minho says, placing the dirty dishes in the sink.

 

“It’s none of your business who I hang out with.” Jisung glares at him. Nothing more annoying than a brat, who’s two years younger than you, but almost as tall as you. Meaning Minho's intimidating glaring isn't  _that intimidating_ at all, but Minho just blames the lack of height difference.

 

“Um, yeah, I think it is? Especially when I’m the one they’ve been trying to fuck with for years. Or do you need me to freshen your memory?”

 

Jisung takes a sharp breath, and Minho thinks he’s gonna spit right back at him, but Jisung just turns away from Minho, facing the sink with a pile of dirty dishes in it. “Would you just go already? I’m tired of you.” He sighs, and Minho knows it's better to leave.

 

Minho rolls his eyes and walks out of the kitchen, glad that conversation is over. They don’t always lash out on each other like that, but Jisung must be having a hard time and of course he takes it out on Minho. How surprising.

 

Minho also knows Jisung could find much better friends than Miyeon and her stupid minions, but he doesn’t, and truth be told, it hurts Minho. Jisung never seems truly happy with them, so Minho doesn’t understand the younger and his actions. But after years of pointless teasing from these assholes, you kind of get used to it. People letting you down, and all that other crap.

 

Atleast Minho has Changbin. Even if the latter graduated last year, he promised to never leave Minho alone in this hellhole. And who knows, maybe next year they can go to college together, far far _far_ away from here.

 

Minho texts Changbin a short “ _omw_ ” before he jumps on his bike and storms off, heading towards his best friend’s home. He would rather rot than spend his only free day at home, anyway.

 

Yeah, Changbin lives alone too. How cool is that?

 

The apartment isn’t exactly the biggest, but it’s still Changbin’s own place, and also the only place where Minho feels truly safe, so they both feel very attached to the small apartment.

 

Minho uses the spare key to go inside, only one of the perks of having a best friend who lives alone. He can come and go whenever he likes.

 

He’s not surprised when he finds Changbin huddled behind his laptop in the living room, probably working on music as always. It’s Changbin’s dream to major in music studies in college, and Minho is his biggest supporter. His best friend is like, really fucking talented if you ask Minho

 

“You know, you could atleast knock or something before coming in.” Changbin says, his eyes never leaving the computer screen.

 

“I texted you that I’m coming, I think that should be enough.” Minho says, propping down on the comfortable living room couch. He reaches for the remote control, even though he knows he won’t be paying the TV any attention. Right now, he needs to rant to his best friend.

 

“Can you not be so loud for once, _please_ , and turn the TV volume down? I’m trying to work.”

 

“But, Binnie hyung.” Minho whines, just the way he knows Changbin finds it amusing and _not_ annoying at all. “I wanna talk to my best friend. I need to talk to my best friend.”

 

Changbin turns to him and rolls his eyes, but his lips are turned up in the corners. “What happened? Did you and Jisung fight again?”

 

“Yeah, and I’m getting so tired of it.” Minho pouts, making direct eye contact with his best friend. Changbin’s eyes are comforting, somehow. “You’d think after living together for almost eight years he would stop being such a dickhead towards me, but no." Minho gasps, dramatically, before continuing. "And you know what? Lately, he keeps bringing you up in every conversation. Like, that’s so fucking annoying and has seriously nothing to do with him?”

 

“Oh, that makes sense, don’t you think?” Changbin says, nodding. Minho doesn’t understand anything. “Now that the whole city knows that I’m gay, I’m always a hot topic.” Changbin laughs.

 

“What does you being gay have anything to do with me?” Minho asks, confused.

 

“Well, I’m your best friend, the only person you hang out with, so there’s that. Jisung and others might get some ideas, you know.” Changbin says, but the thought doesn’t seem to bother him that much.

 

“Well, thank god they don’t know I’m gay. Imagine what they’d think of me, of _us_ , a kid without parents turns into a sinner? That's too much.” Minho snickers, but stops when Changbin looks at him with concerned eyes. “Hey, you can’t give me that pitiful look, you’re supposed to laugh at my jokes, not take them seriously like others would.”

 

“Min, you know not all religious people are homophobic, right? Coming out is scary and takes time, but I feel so much more comfortable after doing it. People have thought differently of me ever since I was born, so it doesn’t really matter to me what their topic about me is while they talk all that shit behind my back.” Changbin explains. “I just feel better myself now that I’m out.”

 

“Yeah, but I’m not gonna give them another reason to tease and bully me. And you’re like, three years older than them, of course they’re not gonna beat you up or some shit.” Minho argues back. He’s seriously terrified of the idea of anyone ever finding out he’s gay. How would Mrs. Han react? And Jisung? Minho doesn’t even wanna think about it.

 

He tries to suppress the anxious feelings in his chest, after all it’s not the first time he feels them. “Can we just go do something fun? I don’t wanna think about this.”


	2. Begin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wooo!!! an update  
> ((thanks to everyone who left comments under the first chapter, they really inspired me to work hard on this fic <3))

Minho peeks through his long eyelashes, the bright light making it hard for his eyes to adjust. He can tell Jisung is awake by the quiet rustling he hears from the other side of the room, the same rustling that woke him from his pleasant sleep. He tries to open his eyes as slowly as he can, spotting the younger on his side of the room.

 

Jisung is standing in front of his bed, his bare back on full display. Minho can’t help but stare as he watches the younger put on his white dress shirt, the one he always wears to church. His arm muscles flex as he buttons the shirt, his toned skin complimenting the light color well. Fuck him and his _just a little bit_ see-through shirt.

 

To Minho’s surprise, he finds the latter quite attractive like this. A thought that has never occurred to him before. Atleast his sleepy mind thinks so. But even if the younger does look good, he’s still an asshole. And always will be one.

 

“Stop staring, you freak.” Jisung says, his back still facing Minho. Minho startles at the sound of the younger’s voice, having no idea how he knew Minho was staring at him. “I can feel your eyes burning holes in my back.”

 

“Then stop putting on a show.” Minho says to his own surprise, his voice still hoarse. Jisung turns around quickly at Minho’s unexpected answer, making direct eye contact with him. He seriously hates the younger’s big eyes, looking so innocent and sweet. It’s just so completely wrong. Why would God give him eyes like that?

 

“I’m just getting dressed. Something I recommend you do unless you wanna piss off my mom and be late to the church. Again.” He says, before turning around and walking out of the room, leaving Minho alone in the small bedroom.

 

Stupid Jisung.

  
  


 

Minho doesn’t think about the situation that took place in the morning before he’s back together with his best friend, the only person he truly trusts with his wild thoughts.

 

“Something weird happened today.” Minho says, closing his eyes as he lets the warm sun tickle his golden skin and the gentle breeze ruffle his hair. It’s probably one of the last days before it starts raining again every day. The usual fall weather will be back and Minho can say goodbye to his beautiful tan skin.

 

He listens to the waves hitting the shore, the sound healing and comforting. He and Changbin spend quite a lot of time at the beach, one of the pros of living close to the sea. Even the sand feels comfortable.

 

“At church?” Changbin asks. Minho can tell his best friend is already interested in whatever Minho has to say, being one of the few persons that doesn’t go to church in this town.

 

“No, not at church.” Minho laughs when Changbin let’s out a quiet disappointed _aw_. “I don’t think anything interesting could ever happen there.”

 

“You’re right. What was I even thinking?” Changbin smiles at Minho, before turning all serious again. “So what happened? Something at home?”

 

“Well, yeah.” Minho says. Even when he closes his eyes, he can perfectly visualize Jisung’s back. And arms. And well everything. It’s disturbing.

 

“I woke up, right? Pretty early in the morning.” Minho starts, slowly. “And It’s super fucking bright outside, I’m telling you I couldn’t even see a damn th-”

 

“Oh my god, you’re the worst storyteller ever.” Changbin dramatically cuts between Minho’s rambling, kicking him playfully against his arm. “Of course you woke up dumbass, how else would you be here? Just tell me the hot tea already!”

 

“I’m just joking.” Minho laughs at his best friend, enjoying his dramatic reactions.

 

“Just get to the point instead, you tease.”

 

“Okay, like I woke up and the first thing I see is Jisung, right? And like, you know how we usually just ignore each other and shit? But today I couldn’t even get my eyes off him. He was standing in front of his bed, his back facing me, and I watched him the whole time as he put his shirt on. Like.. I actually found the view attractive?” Minho says, disbelief clear in his voice.

 

Changbin lays his head on his open palms, not saying a single word. Minho watches him take a deep breath, before Changbin slowly raises his head again and makes eye contact with him.

 

“Minho, I can’t believe I’m gonna be the one to say this to you, b-but.. I-I t-think you’re.. I think you’re _gay_.” Changbin whispers the end, before breaking out of his act with an eye roll and a kick to Minho's arm again. “Dude, you promised me hot gossip, not some super-obvious shit.”

 

“Hey, I’m being serious right now, Bin hyung.” Minho whines, annoyed by his best friend’s teasing. “I’ve never thought of Jisung in that way, like he could be attractive or something. To be honest, I’m kinda disgusted with myself.”

 

“But why? It’s not like your blood-related or anything. You guys just live together.” Changbin says, not quite understanding Minho’s headache over the matter.

 

“But he’s Jisung! He’s probably the straightest guy I’ve ever known. And obviously he likes Miyeon, why else would he have stayed around her for all of these years?” Minho argues back. “I won’t let myself like someone like him. He’s hurt me a lot.”

 

“I know, Minnie.” Changbin says, resting his arm around Minho’s shoulders and pulling him closer. “Let’s just say you were confused. And because you have eyes, you obviously can appreciate the fine art that hot boys are. But that’s all that is to it.”

 

“Okay, hyung.” Minho says, already feeling a tad bit better. He feels lighter and easier, knowing he has someone like Changbin that he can tell everything to, without the fear of getting judged or made fun of. Okay, maybe a little bit of fun, but it's always lighthearted and he knows there's no bite behind Changbin's joking.

 

“You better find me a hot boyfriend in college.” Minho says after a while, content under the warm sun with his best friend.

 

“Or, even better - we date rich twins.” Changbin says, grinning proudly when he earns a loud laugh from Minho.

  
  
  


Minho found out soon it wasn’t just confusion. After he went home from the beach, ready to dig into his pile of homework, he found it hard to be in Jisung’s company. Even if they were sitting apart from each other, both on the different corners of the couch.

 

Jisung didn’t talk to Minho, as per usual, completely invested in his homework. Yet Minho found it hard to focus, his eyes drifting to Jisung many times. The way the younger sat, hunched over his papers and opened books, so into his work. The way he bumped his leg against the floor a little, a habit he probably doesn't know of. If only Minho could focus like that.

 

But after the third time that Minho’s eyes got stuck on the soft curve of Jisung’s nose, the slight pout in the younger's lips, he was already so done with himself, he didn’t even realise that he had decided to slap himself on the cheek. And hard.

 

Jisung definitely heard that.

 

“You don’t have to slap yourself, hyung. I’m used to girls watching me the whole time in class, it really doesn’t bother me when you do the same.” Jisung says, without looking away from the paper he was working on, a stupid smirk on his face.

 

“I-I wasn’t watching you, dumbass.” Minho stutters, yet again surprised by the younger. How does he see everything? “I’m just trying to get my brain working. Encouraging myself, you know. Trying to focus, and all that shit.”

 

“ _Oh_?” Jisung says, looking up with a surprised expression. “I didn’t know your brain was capable of doing that. Working, _you know_.”

 

But before Minho can argue back, Mrs. Han calls them both to dinner, and Jisung leaves fast without letting Minho get a word out of his mouth.

 

Minho carelessly throws his books and notebooks back into his bag, knowing he won’t be able to get any of them done anyway.

 

Something has changed in the way he sees Jisung, he understands that, but it’s quickly ruining his life and the weird relationship between him and the younger. Minho hopes that maybe if he wakes up tomorrow, all of the confusing feelings will be gone just as randomly as they came. Just maybe he will be able to forget about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked this one!! i think after this chapter,,, or the next one after that,,,,, the plot will actually start. we just need to get thru the boring start (or so i say every time)


	3. Hold Me Tight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAAAAA FINALLY

Minho has never liked celebrating his birthday. Even when he was young, he didn’t feel like it was essential for his parents to throw a big party, inviting all the kids he barely talked to. He wasn’t a fan of the gifts either, hating the thought of his parents wasting any unnecessary money on him.

 

That’s why before Minho turned 20, he had made it super clear with Mrs. Han to not get him anything. Even if Mrs. Han wasn’t fond of the idea, Minho knew Mrs. Han had already done enough for him, letting Minho live under her roof for free. He will never accept any money from her.

 

That’s why when Minho woke up on his birthday morning, ready to leave for school, he was left surprised when a white envelope caught his attention on his bedroom drawer.

 

He grabs the envelope, running downstairs to instantly question Mrs. Han.

 

He lets out a relieved breath when he finds Mrs. Han in the kitchen, with no Jisung in sight. It must be his birthday luck working in his favor for once.

 

“Oh, good morning, sweetheart.” Mrs. Han stands up, opening her arms to give Minho a tight hug. “Happy birthday!" She sighs, happily. "You’ve grown into a beautiful young man.”

 

Minho feels his cheeks turn warm at the sincere words, hugging Mrs. Han back instantly. Somehow, she makes him feel just as loved as his own parents and damn, it’s a wonderful feeling.

 

“Thank you, but Mrs. Han, I thought you promised me you wouldn’t get me anything.” Minho says, upset as he sits down in his usual spot, besides the window. He looks at the white envelope, not even excited to open it. He just feels guilty.

 

“But that’s not my present, honey.” Mrs. Han smiles sweetly, placing a dish full of breakfast food in front of Minho. “You have to thank Jisung for this one.”

 

“J-Jisung?” Minho’s mouth goes dry.

 

“Yes, honey. He asked me specifically if there’s anything you have asked for lately.” But Minho quickly lost focus in what Mrs. Han was saying. He feels like the envelope is burning his skin and all he wants to do is rip it open as soon as possible.

 

“Be careful.” Mrs. Han warns him as Minho starts tearing the paper apart.

 

“A-A gift card?” Minho asks, surprised. There was snow and ice skates illustrating the gift card, Minho realising without much thought that it was for an ice skating rink. “Ice skating?”

 

“You’ve always loved ice skating, haven’t you?” Mrs. Han watches Minho’s sincere reaction with a fond smile spread across her face. “But winter is still a month away, so Jisung thought you can ice skate in that inside hall once more until it's cold enough and the city can make an outside ice rink next to the market again, okay?”

 

Jisung thought?

 

“Wow. I-I’m just so surprised.” Minho mumbles, feeling confused and at loss of words. Jisung never makes nice gestures for him. And Minho really does enjoy ice skating, so it’s even a bigger surprise to him that Jisung would get him something like this, so well planned out.

 

“Why, honey?” Mrs. Han asks, not quite understanding the boy's crisis. “Jisung is an angel, just like you.”

 

“Yeah, I-I guess he is.” No, Jisung is the furthest thing from an angel. But Minho knows what he needs to do next, even if he hates the thought. After all, he’s still a nice person, even if Jisung isn’t, and that thought alone will help him overpower his ego.

  


 

Minho catches sight of the younger before third period, feeling something weird turn in his stomach as he watches Jisung lean his whole body against what happens to be Miyeon’s locker, eyes shut close. He doesn’t see Miyeon though, so he rapidly takes his steps towards the latter, wanting to just quickly get this over with.

 

“Jisung, can we talk?” Minho asks, not surprised when the people around them turn their heads to eavesdrop. Somehow, everyone’s interested in Jisung.

 

“What do you want, Minho hyung?” Jisung asks, not even wishing him a happy birthday or anything. But it’s not like Minho was expecting him to. Not at least after that gift. “I’m supposed to meet Miyeon here soon, don’t get in our way.”

 

Minho rolls his eyes, already fed up with the younger’s attitude. “I couldn’t care less about Miyeon, trust me. She’s just not my type. You see, I’m not really into psychos who bully people for living.” Minho can't stop himself.

 

“Perish, hyung.” Jisung says, standing straight. Unlucky for Minho that now Jisung is at his eye level again. “What do you want?”

 

“It’s about your gift-” Minho says, but his sentence is cut short by Jisung, who now takes a step even closer and shushes him. This has to be the closest they’ve stood in the past few years and it’s making Minho nervous, to say the least.

 

“Shut up, do you want the whole school to know?” Jisung whispers furiously.  _Dramatic dramatic dramatic._

 

“Frankly, I couldn’t care less.” Minho smiles, seemingly enjoying teasing the younger with his everything.

 

Jisung inhales loudly before raising his eyebrow in question. “So.. What about the gift?” Minho catches a glint of worry in his eyes, but it's gone just as quickly as it came. Couldn't be that Jisung is anxious about it, could it?

 

“Come with me. As a thank you, y-you know.” Minho says, hating how the words get stuck in the back of his throat.

 

“Dude, I don’t even like ice skating. Fuck, I don’t really think I'm even able to ice skate.” Jisung says, whispering the end. “Just invite your dumb boyfriend, Changbin hyung.”

 

“I’m already asking you, Jisung.” Minho rolls his eyes. How does he always manage to find a way to mention Changbin?

 

“I-I don’t know. I really can’t skate.”

 

“Well, then you better suck it up, buttercup. You really aren't considering letting me win, are you?” Minho says, and as he turns away from the younger, he feels a smile plaster on his face.

 

He knows he has Jisung's attention now, at the mention of losing and winning. Jisung always has to be the better one.

 

This will be interesting, he knows.

  


 

Jisung agreed to go with Minho only if they chose a time of the day where the rink is empty, because Jisung would literally rather die than hang out with Minho in front of others. His exact words, not Minho’s.

 

So Minho waited the whole week until Jisung finally thought it was okay to go one late Sunday night.

 

“But if I see even one acquaintance, I’m throwing you out of the rink. Through the fucking roof.” Jisung says, glaring at Minho before stepping inside.

 

“You’re the one who got me a whole gift card, _okay_.” Minho says, entering behind Jisung. The front lobby looks empty, in Jisung’s luck. They walk over to the cashier to pay and receive their ice skates in return.

 

But by the time Minho has put his ice skates on, Jisung is still fiddling with the first one. Minho lets out a loud laugh, happy to finally witness something that the younger isn’t good at.

 

“Do you need help tying your laces?” Minho asks, a smirk on his lips.

 

“Piss off.” Jisung says, not even looking at Minho. “My fingers are just cold and it’s slowing me down. Who would have known it would be so cold in here?”

 

“Did you not bring gloves?” Minho asks, feeling warmth spread in his body as the fabric of his gloves covers his hands.

 

“Well, obviously I didn’t or I’d have them on right now.” Jisung mumbles as he stands up, finally done with lacing his ice skates. He pushes past Minho, all confident as he steps on the ice. “Come on, now.”

 

“Be careful, dumbass.” Minho yells as he watches Jisung fall on his butt after just a second of stepping on the ice. Minho quickly skates over to Jisung, holding out his hand to help the younger up.

 

“I-I don’t wanna hold hands with you.” Jisung mutters, embarrassed. “What if someone sees?”

 

“We’re literally alone in here.” Minho says, annoyed. How can he still be so self-assured? “Do you wanna spend the whole hour sitting down here or do you want to learn how to actually skate?”

 

So Jisung reaches his hand out and Minho laces their fingers together, pulling the younger back on his two feet, slowly. Minho tries not to think about how nicely their hands fit together. Key word is  _tries._  “Don’t let go yet, okay?”

 

“Yeah, whatever.” Jisung says, but Minho sees the way he pales when Minho starts circling around the rink, pulling Jisung along with him. He isn’t even skating that fast, but he keeps that knowledge to himself. What’s the point of annoying someone who looks like they’re about pass out any minute anyway?

 

Jisung’s breaths come out fast and puffy at first, but after some time he visibly relaxes and Minho feels glad, even proud as he watches the younger get the hold of skating, something that Minho enjoys with a lot of passion.

 

Minho squeezes Jisung’s hand once more before he finally decides to let go, sure the latter will be fine on his own. And he’s right. Jisung doesn’t fall anymore and at the end he even manages to skate faster than Minho.

 

They spend their one hour racing around until it’s over and they need to give the ice skates back to the man at the front desk.

 

“Good thing that this is finally over. My fingers are fucking freezing.” Jisung whines, but Minho doesn’t miss the small smile Jisung has on his face when he returns the ice skates, thinking Minho isn't watching. He must’ve enjoyed this, even if he won’t admit it to Minho.

 

“It wasn’t that bad when I was holding your hand, huh?” Minho says, smiling when Jisung hits him on the back. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”

 

He lets his mind wander a little as they walk home, thinking about how it would feel like if this had been an actual date. Just some innocent thoughts, nothing else, Minho tells himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so glad to be back with an update!!!!! i rly hope u enjoyed this chapter n that youre all doing well <3 only one month until winter break i seriously couldnt be more excited about having more time to write :')


	4. I'm Fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> asjdsa what is this mess... Im Sorry

But of course he had to tell Changbin.

 

In fact he was so excited about telling the older, the next day he decided to skip one of his classes and visit the latter in the coffee shop he works at.

 

Minho hops on his bike the second the school bell rings and takes off at full speed, careful not to slip on the icy roads. November is here and even if it hasn’t snowed yet, the weather has changed drastically. It’s windy almost every single day and the temperature stays below zero degrees.

 

But Minho is too lazy to walk and he always puts off taking the bus until it actually starts snowing, so biking must do right now.

 

When he makes it to the cozy cafe and finds it almost empty, he visibly relaxes. Mrs. Han wouldn’t be exactly happy with Minho if she found out that Minho is skipping class.

 

“What are you doing here?” Changbin looks up from his phone, surprised eyes taking in Minho’s appearance.

 

“Is this how you treat a customer?” Minho laughs, unzipping his bomber jacket and letting the warmth in. He walks up to the cash register and takes a sit on the bar stool behind the counter, facing his best friend with an amused smile.

 

“I mean, shouldn’t you be in school?” Changbin leans on the table between them, taking a closer look at the younger. “And where’s your school bag? Did you bike here?” He says, squinting his eyes as he looks outside to spot Minho's bike.

 

“Have you always been this nosy?” Minho smiles when Changbin pulls back at his remark and sees the small pout forming on the older’s lips.

 

“I have all the rights to-”

 

“Fine, fine. I’ll tell you everything anyway.” Minho interrupts him and folds his hands on the table. “But can you make me a latte first? Pretty please.”

 

Changbin gives him a pointed look before turning around and walking up to the coffee machine. “You probably didn’t bring any cash on purpose. Using me for your own good like this.”

 

“What are you mumbling about there?”

 

“Nothing you haven’t heard before.” Changbin says, as he places the cup in front of Minho. Minho takes in the sweet smell of the coffee and takes a big gulp, thankful for the warm drink. It works wonders on his frozen limbs.

 

“I could literally kiss you right now.” Minho says, feeling fuzzy. “The coffee you make is fucking amazing. Feels like rainbows and unicorns and little puppies are in my belly.”

 

“Or you could just like, I don’t know, pay me instead?” Changbin chortles, folding his arms on his chest.

 

“Don’t be silly, Bin hyung.” Minho smiles when Changbin exhales loudly. “I don’t have much time, so stop being dramatic and let me talk, I’m only trying to skip physics and nothing else.”

 

And so Minho gets into it, telling Changbin every single detail from the birthday present he got from Jisung to his actual time spent together with the younger at the ice rink. Changbin listens to his rambling without stopping him, now and then just throwing in small _ooh_ ’s and questioning looks. He leaves out the part where he dreamt about an actual date with Jisung, for now.

 

“And now we’re back to not talking to each other.” Minho says with a sigh, letting his head drop on the cold surface with a loud bang. He acts like it didn't hurt for the sake of being dramatic.

 

“And that’s a problem because..?”

 

“Because I wanna get to know him. Maybe. I don’t know.” Minho says, looking up at Changbin. “What should I do?”

 

Changbin pats Minho’s head comfortingly, a compassionate look on his face. “I don’t think there’s much you can do, Min. You should know by now that Jisung is like, really fucking weird and there’s no way you can befriend him that easily.”

 

“But still,” Minho whines, not really wanting to drop the subject. He spent many hours yesterday night thinking about how fun it had been hanging out with Jisung, he’s not willing to accept the fact that Jisung is just a dead end for Minho. He knows there’s much more to the younger, but he also knows pressuring Jisung won’t help either.

 

“Just try to let things go in their natural pace, okay?” Changbin says. “Only a few months and we’re out of this stupid place, anyway. Then he won’t matter.”

 

Minho pushes himself up, forcing a tight smile. “I guess you’re right, Bin hyung.”

 

But suddenly the thought of moving away and leaving everything (Jisung) behind, doesn’t seem so tempting anymore. He doesn’t say anything though because truth be told, he doesn’t understand his feelings right now either. There’s no point in confusing the older with this mess that's going on in his head.

 

And so he thanks Changbin for the coffee, promises to text him after school and rides back to school, doing his most to not bump into his physics teacher, who would probably end up giving him detention for skipping.

 

He and Jisung change no words that night, nor the day after. It’s nothing new, just the way they’ve always been.

 

Minho tucks the precious memories of that night he spent with the younger deep into his heart, letting it all become a memory he soon starts questioning as if it ever actually happened. Maybe he just imagined it all.

  
  


 

December brings the first fall of snow, and even if Minho utterly loved winter, even claiming it as his favorite season, his high school loved to ruin that for him.

 

It was a tradition, a really stupid one if you ask Minho, for the whole school to go on a hike together after the first snow. The usual “healthy body comes with a healthy mind” bullshit. The hike is over 10 kilometres long and not participating was out of the question.

 

Minho learned it the hard way last year when _someone_ thought it would be hilarious to put pieces of glass in his shoes, knowing damn well Minho won’t notice anything before he puts the shoes on. When he tried to tell his PE teacher about it, holding back his tears as hard as he could, he still had ended up walking the whole distance with sharp glass piercing through his skin because frankly, no one cares. All they could give him was a patch for the cuts and a loud bark of laughter at the stupidity of the situation. 

 

But back then he atleast had Changbin to take care of him, he even drove him back home so Mrs. Han could treat his injuries.

 

Minho knew who was capable of pulling shit like this, but he never told anyone, thinking it wouldn’t really change a thing. And as of today, that is the furthest his _bullies or call them whatever you want really_ went.

 

Now without Changbin, Minho just wants this shit to be over, and as fast as possible. He walks quickly in the front, like an actual athlete, setting a good pace for himself. This way he doesn’t have to hear Jisung flirting with all the girls surrounding him, nor walk with the PE teachers in the back who would just try to make awkward conversation.

 

Well, if Minho hadn’t changed his shoes last year at school, that fucked up thing would’ve never happened and maybe he wouldn’t hate his PE teacher right now.

 

This morning Mrs. Han had scolded them for a long time, saying they both need to dress up twice as warm and wear actual winter boots, not some sneakers. She must have had last year’s incident in her mind too.

 

Before leaving, Mrs. Han had even went so far to make Jisung promise her to look after Minho. Jisung gave Minho a weird look, before mumbling a _sure, mom_. Even if Mrs. Han thinks Jisung doesn’t know anything about the incident that happened last year, Minho thinks differently.  _Knows_ differently.

 

After all, it was Jisung’s absolutely favorite girl in the whole wide world Miyeon who hated Minho so much to do something like this, and obviously she had told Jisung all about it. The thought still hurts, Jisung laughing over Minho’s pain with his whole squad.

 

Minho’s so lost in his thoughts, so angry at the younger, he doesn’t realise his left leg had gotten stuck behind a tree root, making him slip and fall. He feels the aching pain in his left ankle, but without anyone in sight, he quickly pushes himself up, tears forming as he slowly limps forward.

 

Not this shit again.

 

He hears people getting closer before he actually sees them, thankful for the random bench along the hiking path. He hobbles forward and sits down on the cold surface, acting as if he’s taking a must needed break.

 

Just for his luck it’s Jisung, Miyeon and the other minions who show up behind the curve, already eyeing him curiously. No one sane enough would sit on a frozen bench in the winter, they’re right for looking confused.

 

“I’ll be right with you.” Jisung tells Miyeon, the girl understanding instantly that Jisung wants her to leave. Miyeon walks away with her friends, but her eyebrows are furrowed and she’s doing her hardest to hear what Jisung and Minho might talk about.

 

Minho remembers to quickly wipe his tears with his sleeve before Jisung takes the final step, stopping right in front of Minho. He looks him up and down, and Minho knows the younger must’ve noticed something’s off.

 

“What are you doing?” He asks, face expressionless.

 

Minho’s still upset with the younger as he manages on his best resting bitch face and looks him straight in the eye. “Sitting.”

 

“Just sitting?” The younger scoffs, shoving his hands deep into his coat pockets.

 

“What part of that wasn’t understandable to you?” Minho asks, a taunting look on his face. Suddenly all the pain the younger and his friends made him go through last year makes him mad and annoyed, like all he wants to do is to crush Jisung and his stupid face. It doesn't help that his leg is in so much pain right now, either.

 

“Nicely played, Minho hyung.” Jisung says, turning away from Minho. “You can say whatever you want, but I know you’re hurt. Your eyes are red meaning you’ve been crying.”

 

He noticed, of course he did.

 

“Okay, I fucking fell. Happy now? Wanna go tell Miyeon and mock me together?” Minho let’s out an obnoxious laugh, eyes stinging with new unshed tears. If only his ankle wasn’t in such bad condition.

 

“Can you walk?” Jisung asks, ignoring Minho’s ironic comments completely.

 

“Do you think I would be sitting here if I could?” Minho says, his mouth falling into a little _o_ when Jisung turns his back on him. Is he really going to-

 

“Get on my back before I change my mind.”

 

“I-I don’t know-”

 

“Minho hyung, stop being a little wuss.” Jisung says, looking over his shoulder.

 

“You’re one to tell,” Minho bites. He thinks Jisung has had enough of him when he turns around again, but this time he’s the one to hold out his hand. He takes Minho’s hand into his when Minho’s too baffled to move, and pulls him up, making Minho hiss in pain.

 

Minho grabs Jisung’s shoulders for support, realising that his ankle has started to hurt even more now. “Turn around. I’m gonna c-climb on.”

 

Minho loops his arms around Jisung’s neck as he quickly wraps his legs around the younger’s waist and Jisung’s arms come to hold his thighs in place.

 

“You owe me for this.” Jisung says, as they finally start moving in the right direction. Minho wonders if Miyeon stayed to wait up for Jisung.

 

He really hopes she didn’t.

 

“T-Thanks, I guess.” Minho says after a while. It feels like Jisung’s hands are burning through the material of his pants. Like he can feel Jisung’s skin on his thighs.  

 

“Whatever.” Jisung breathes and Minho feels ten times heavier. “Mom would’ve hated me if I hadn’t helped you.”

 

Right. It always comes down to Jisung being the perfect son for his mom.

 

Minho wants to ask Jisung if he would’ve helped him even if Mrs. Han hadn’t said anything.

 

He wants to ask him if he had anything to do with the shattered glass in Minho’s shoes.

 

He wants to ask him all these unanswered questions that Minho can only imagine the answers to, but he’s scared to find out the truth. So just for once, he pushes away the reality and let’s himself dream. Quite literally _dream_ as he feels himself getting sleepy.

 

“Don’t fall asleep on me,” Jisung says soon after, but he doesn’t sound particularly annoyed.

 

“Mm. I won’t,” Minho murmurs, his eyes already closed.

 

He really hadn’t expected to doze off and not wake up until he’s somehow magically back in his bed, his ankle bandaged and a blanket tucked over him.

 

Minho’s feelings are as mixed as ever as he looks at Jisung’s side of the room, dark and untouched.

 

He tells himself it’s okay as he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

 

Even if he’s upset that the younger isn’t here, he’s not surprised. Expectations are bad and Minho knows better not to have them.

 

Jisung hardly ever spends any time here, and Minho shouldn’t expect him to think that this time is any different.

 

He will just have to thank Jisung later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY TAEJIN MONTH!!!!! i hope you all enjoy ur winter with this mess of a minsung fic :-) somehow this chapter came out longer than the others, so yall are welcome (if u liked it)?? i really want to get To The Main Part but it needs to be slowburn n shit so im sorry uwu pls enjoy this canon piggybacking minsung :(
> 
> (btw thank you for all the nice comments under the last chapter, it made me super happy <3 im still waiting for u guys to hit me up on twt or cc, im lonely okay)


	5. Lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) this is so long im sorry  
> 2) not proof read bc im hungry n have homework to do im sorrryyy ill deal w this later ily  
> 3) the start can be a little disturbing pls dont read when ur sensitive abt [death]

_Minho feels at peace as he lays down on the deserted meadow, the different scents of the beautiful flowers surrounding him mixing into one sweet fragrance, tickling inside of his nose. The sunshine is dancing on his bare skin and Minho embraces it, he truly enjoys this warm feeling._

 

_When he pushes himself up on his elbows, leaning back on his arms, he slowly peeks through his eyes, thankful for his thick eyelashes as they keep him from quite literally going blind. He hears his parents voices before he sees them, looking around to spot the older couple walking further away from him._

 

_He calls after them, but they seem too lost in their conversation to hear him, so Minho quickly rushes up, a smile on his face. He runs down the meadow, careful not to step on any of the spring flowers that are blooming at full speed. The last thing he wants to do is crush these gorgeous plants._

 

_Minho keeps running and running and running, feeling like the grass under his feet could go on forever. He doesn’t lose hope though, because far away he still spots his mother’s brown hair that is shining under the sunlight and the familiar back of his father, his broad shoulders as they get into the car._

 

_Suddenly the grass has changed into a highway, and Minho slows down as he watches his parents drive away. He knows they will notice that the younger is missing soon and they will come pick him up while apologising and ruffling his hair affectionately as they pray for his forgiveness. Later though, they can all laugh about it together._

 

_So Minho starts walking forward, taking in the quiet atmosphere. He walks for what feels like hours before he finally spots another human being, coming his way. Minho realises it’s Jisung, and he feels a smile tug at the corners of his lips as he waves at the younger, picking up his pace._

 

_Jisung then notices Minho too, and he skips towards him in the middle of the road, smiling at the older. There had been no passing cars before, so Minho decides to be just as reckless as the younger, running in the middle of the road._

 

_He bolts to a stop when he sees a car behind Jisung, coming up at full speed. Minho tries to yell to get Jisung’s attention, to save the younger from what could be a horrible accident, but there’s no voice coming out of Minho’s mouth as he stands there helplessly, panic raising in his chest and just watching a familiar car get closer and closer and closer-_

 

_He realises it’s his parents car as they drive straight into Jisung, driving over the younger as his father loses control over the car and slams it into a cliff. He tries to move, feeling the hot tears run down from his eyes, but his legs won’t move and he can’t stop staring at Jisung’s lifeless body, covered in blood-_

 

Minho bolts awake, his heart beating so loud he accidentally flies out of his bed, his blanket tangled between his legs, making him fall down on the ground with a loud thump.

 

It’s completely dark in the bedroom as he rushes up, stumbling towards Jisung’s bed. His hands trace over what seems to be Jisung’s body, and Minho exhales loudly when his hands come in touch with the younger’s cheeks, feeling the way Jisung is slowly breathing. Alive.

 

“Thank god,” Minho croaks, his voice hoarse. He reckons he must’ve been crying, but it doesn’t come as a surprise to Minho. After all, it had been a pretty bad dream. He had never seen Jisung in his nightmares, and he doesn’t want to think about why the younger had suddenly even appeared there-

 

“Minho hyung?” He hears Jisung stir awake, but he’s a second too late, because when he tries to pull his hands away from where they were resting on Jisung’s warm and puffy cheeks, Jisung just grips his wrists. “What are you doing?” He mumbles, confused. Minho can hear the sleepiness in the younger’s voice, mad at himself for waking the latter. And for getting caught.

 

“I,” Minho starts, but nothing really comes to his mind, his thoughts still stuck in his nightmare.

 

Jisung releases his wrists, only to reach out his hand and turn on the light on his nightstand. The sudden bright light hurts his eyes, but it doesn’t worry Minho as much as the horrified look on the younger’s face in front of him. What stupid excuse is he gonna give for touching the younger in the middle of the night?

 

He almost wants to laugh at the stupid situation he’s in.

 

“I-I-” Minho tries to start again, but he’s cut short when the younger stands up.

 

“You’re bleeding,” Jisung says, as he pulls the older along with him into their shared bathroom. Minho lets the younger situate himself on the closed toilet lid, everything happening too fast for the sleepy state his still in. Atleast he feels his heartbeat has slowed down in his ribcage.

 

Jisung turns around towards the sink, and Minho pays him no attention as his hand slowly comes up his own face, trying to understand what the fuck Jisung was talking about. His fingers come in contact with the blood under his nose, and Minho pulls his hand away, scared.

 

It’s been so long since he last got a nosebleed because of his nightmares. What can this mean?

 

But then Jisung is turning towards him again, standing between Minho’s open legs as he starts cleaning Minho’s face with the warm cloth in his hand. Minho tries to not think about how close the younger is, instead focusing on the weird feeling of a wet cloth being pressed against his skin.

 

Minho lets his eyes flutter shut, hoping the latter will let him be without asking any questions that Minho doesn’t know the answers to.

 

He's wrong though. This is Jisung, after all.

 

“What’s going on?” He asks, his voice quiet, and Minho tries, really tries so hard to miss the hint of worry he hears in the younger’s voice.

 

“Nothing much.” Minho replies, not wanting to talk about whatever the fuck it was that Minho saw in his dreams. He hears the younger grunt, like he had been expecting this.

 

Jisung turns away, to soak the cloth under the warm water again and Minho thinks maybe he won’t try to get anything out of Minho, but yet again he’s been proved wrong.

 

“You were panting like something bad had happened and you look restless. I’m not fucking dumb.” This time his voice is louder and angrier, but the way he dabs the material against Minho’s face is still just as gently as before, so Minho decides to give him atleast half of the truth. As a thank you, maybe, for taking care of him?

 

“I had a nightmare,” Minho starts slowly, his eyes still pressed together to ignore whatever half-assed expression Jisung might give him. “Of my parents.”

 

Jisung shifts between his legs awkwardly, but doesn’t say anything. What could he really say anyway?

 

 _“I’m sorry."_?

 

 _“I hope you’re okay."_?

 

No, that’s not the Jisung he knows.

 

He thinks he’s doing the younger a favor anyway, Jisung doesn’t need to hear the details of his own death. Even if it was just a dream, it could be disturbing as fuck.

 

His eyes fly open when the younger suddenly tugs at his brown locks, and Minho quickly presses his lips together, careful not to let a moan slip out. He can’t stop the shiver that runs down his spine though, feeling his face tint a shade of dark red.

 

“I’m done.” Jisung says as he slowly steps further away, and Minho mumbles a quick _thank you_ as he literally runs out of their bathroom, past a confused and oblivious Jisung. Back into the dark bedroom and far away from him. Him and his warm touch.

 

He prays the younger didn’t notice the effect he and his touch had on Minho, just a simple tug at his hair had sent him flying into heaven. How fucking humiliating.

 

Minho sighs as he pulls the warm blanket over his head, hoping he could just vanish.

 

 

When Christmas finally rolls around, and the whole Church community can be find ice skating on the outside rink next to the city market and just spending time together in the fresh air, Minho isn’t hyped at all.

 

He doesn’t even want to compare this with the last time he went ice skating, feeling kind of upset as he thinks of how alone he really is without the younger who had made his last time skating actually fun and interesting.

 

Mrs. Han doesn’t ice skate, instead she serves out hot tea to the citizens that are all spending their night of the 24th December here, Jisung is with his own _friends_ and Changbin isn’t bothered enough to show his face around anymore. Minho doesn’t have any other friends either, so after three circles around the rink, he grows bored and changes back to his regular shoes, giving the skates back to the admin.

 

He walks around the market, admiring the beautiful decorations and enjoying the sweet smell of freshly baked cookies. He even buys himself one, munching on it slowly as he hears his phone receive an incoming text. He fishes the phone out of his coat pocket with his other hand, a smile on his face when he sees that it’s a text from Changbin asking him to come over.

 

He happily skips forward, deciding to let Mrs. Han know in person before leaving. On his way to the booth, he doesn’t miss Jisung and Miyeon together by the rink, laughing about something. Minho quickly turns his head away, not wanting to see the two of them. After his nightmare that included the presence of the younger boy, he stayed away from Jisung, knowing it’s better and easier that way. 

 

Mrs. Han easily agrees with Minho’s plan to go over to Changbin’s house, sending him off with a hug. She also tells Minho to ask Changbin over soon too, because apparently she misses seeing Minho’s best friend. Minho smiles as he thinks about how happy Changbin will be when he hears this.

 

He’s only two blocks away from the market when he hears someone run after him. He glances over his shoulder, but comes to a stop when he realises it’s Jisung following him.

 

“Where are you going?” He asks, getting closer. His hands are shoved deep into his pockets and a scarf is covering half of his face, but Minho can still hear him panting from the run.

 

“What’s it to you?” Minho asks, glaring at the younger. The image of the boy together with Miyeon is still right there, in his mind, making him snappier. And since when does he need to let the latter know of all of his moves, anyway?

 

Jisung walks even closer, hardly a feet between the two boys. He looks straight into his eyes, and Minho would feel intimidated if this was anyone other than Jisung. “Mom said you need to come home with us. With me.”

 

“What?” Minho laughs, furrowing his eyebrows. “I literally just talked to her-”

 

“Yeah, but she changed her mind.” Jisung just says, pushing past Minho and walking towards their home. Atleast Minho guesses so.

 

He turns around, following behind the other with a confused look. “Are you sure? I’ll go ask her again, then.”

 

“No. You can’t.” Jisung says without looking at Minho and the older wonders when did the latter get so cocky. “She already left.”

 

“I,” Minho sighs, confused. He walks behind Jisung, a pout forming on his lips. Why would Mrs. Han change her mind?

 

“So upset about not being able to see your boyfriend?” Jisung laughs in a mocking way, throwing a glance in Minho’s direction. “Poor Changbin hyung.”

 

“What the fuck, Jisung?” Minho feels anger bubbling in his chest. “I didn’t even say anything about him.”

 

“Yeah, but who else would be impolite enough to ask you over on Christmas night.” Jisung says, his voice muffled by the fabric of his scarf. Sadly, Minho can make out all the hurtful and annoying words that leave Jisung’s mouth anyway. “He’s changing you into an ill-mannered wimp like he is and you haven't even realised yet.”

 

“Oh my fucking god,” Minho exhales loudly, furious as he steps in front of the younger, making him stop in his tracks. “You spend so much time thinking about me and Changbin hyung, just say you’re fucking jealous.” The words fly out of Minho’s mouth, the latter too angry to contain himself.

 

Jisung just stares at him for a while and Minho can’t understand the look in Jisung's eyes as he takes a step closer. “That makes no fucking sense. Why would I ever be jealous of him?”

 

But Jisung doesn’t even let Minho answer as he pushes past him, for what feels like the nth time that night. Minho watches as the younger’s figure grows smaller as he walks further down the road, leaving Minho alone with his unsettling thoughts and no happy festive feelings whatsoever in his bones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AIJFEFJ THANK U AGAIN FOR ALL THE LOVE U LEFT UNDER THE LAST CHAPTER U GUYS ARE THE BEST EVER :( i love this fic and i love minsung and i love u all i hope ur ready for whats about to come hihii thank u again for everything. please stay safe and healthy my babes! also all theories abt this fic are welcome i love hearing yalls thoughts


	6. Let Me Know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not too happy with this chapter but 1) im sickthis just has to do 2) dont wanna skip forward too much SO have this #slow burn

Why would Jisung be jealous of Minho? Of Changbin? Of the two of them together?

 

Why would Jisung even spend time thinking about it?

 

There really was no logical answer to it. Minho had just been angry, too angry to contain the words, the words that had no actual meaning. They were just some meaningless words, right?

 

But then again, if they really didn’t mean anything, if they really were only some words thrown around in an argument, why couldn’t Minho get his mind away from it?

 

And why did he spend most of his winter break thinking about it, trying to come up with an answer that sure as hell didn’t even exist?

 

For instance, Jisung sure wasn’t rich, but he had a loving mother, a cosy home and good grades, a friend group, even if Minho deeply hated all of their guts, and he was definitely healthy and sporty while also good-looking and liked by everyone around him, seemingly there really was nothing wrong with his life.

 

But you couldn’t say the same about Minho nor Changbin.

 

Yeah, Changbin had a family and he lived on his own, earning his own money, but he sure as hell wasn’t loved by everyone like Jisung. Changbin was gay in a town full of Christian people, it really doesn’t get any worse than this.

 

And well, Minho? Minho had nothing. No job, no parents, no good grades. That’s mainly his own fault though, sue him for being lazy and for preferring dancing over boring classes. But he also wasn’t loved by everyone like Jisung, definitely not his schoolmates atleast. If you think about all the shit they’ve made him go through, you wouldn’t even question it.

 

So why would Jisung be jealous of them? Why did his brain decide it’s finally the time to throw these random words out, right into Jisung’s face? There had to be an explanation somewhere, Minho just has to look harder and--

 

“Earth to Min,” Minho feels his head being shaken in Changbin’s comfortable lap. He grunts, locking eyes with the older. “Mrs. Han asked if she should also warm up some soup.” Changbin grins.

 

“And what did you answer?”

 

“I said, no, ma’am, Minho doesn’t think soup is actual food.” Changbin smiles down at him sheepishly, earning a giggle from the younger.

 

“Thank god you know me so well.” Minho says, finally turning his attention back to the long forgotten phone in his hands. He must’ve fallen into thought while playing that stupid car racing game on his phone, because the screen was already black.

 

“What were you thinking about?” Changbin mumbles as his own attention falls back to his phone, probably watching another bunch of disturbing videos of people getting pierced in very weird places. He’s just into it nowadays, like he said before. And Minho is absolutely not allowed to judge him.

 

Minho kicks his feet on the couch, pushing himself a little more upwards as he settles his head in the most possibly comfortable way on Changbin’s lap. “Just the usual,” he replies, not appreciating the dumb smirk on the older’s face.

 

“So, Jisung?” Changbin says, laughing when Minho punches his leg weakly.

 

“Shut up.” Minho says, but his focus has gone running again, unable to just stay fixed on the phone in his hands. Is Jisung gonna be upset when he finds out Changbin is having dinner with them? “But yeah, you’re right.”

 

Changbin sighs loudly, as a sign that yes, Minho has rambled about this for the past ten days, even through the New Years Eve to the actual start of the new year, and puts his phone away. His hands settle in Minho’s hair, playing with it affectionately and Minho smiles, knowing the latter will let him ramble just as much as he wants.

 

“I just keep thinking about it. I can’t stop myself.” Minho whines, also putting his phone away. There’s no point in toying with it when he has no actual interest in it.

 

“You mean, about the last time you talked to the younger?” Changbin says, and Minho hears the smugness in his tone before he sees the stupid grin plastered on his face. “Remind me again, was it last year?”

 

“You’re so,” a hit, “annoying”, another hit, “when you,” another hit, “tease me,” Minho hits the older once more in his chest before settling down again. Changbin knows he isn’t annoyed because there’s an obvious smile on Minho’s face, and even though he won’t admit it to the older, it had been a funny remark.

 

“Yes, it was last year. Happy?” Minho continues, closing his eyes when Changbin starts playing with his hair again. “Not my fault he ignores me all the time.”

 

“What a stupid question, Minnie.” Changbin says. “Of course I’m not happy when my baby is right here, being unhappy over-”

 

“What are you two doing?” Minho’s eyes fly open when he registers the voice. Jisung. He tries to push himself up, away from Changbin’s lap, but the older’s hands are still tangled in his hair and the sudden tugging makes him groan in pain.

 

“I’m petting Minho.” Changbin says, a cocky smirk on his face as to say  _I know you can see it too, Jisung._ How can he be so calm right now?

 

Minho’s hands go to his scalp, maybe to try to soothe the pain, he’s panicking so who knows, and he sits right up, accidentally making eye contact with Jisung. He’s standing right by the door, and by the looks of it he must’ve just arrived at home, because his cheeks and nose are tinted red and his hair looks a tad bit wet from the snowfall. Even in a state like this, Minho can't help but think Jisung looks fucking adorable like this.

 

“Well, leave it to the bedroom.” Jisung bites. “This is a common area.” And with that he turns away, not walking to the kitchen, but upstairs instead.

 

Guess that answers the question.

 

No, Jisung will not be joining us tonight.

  
  


Or atleast so they thought. But Mrs. Han of course had other plans.

 

Oblivious to the tension between Minho and Jisung, she doesn’t spend any time before ordering the younger out off his room instantly. Jisung never argues back to his mom either, but that doesn’t mean he’s gonna sit behind the same table as Changbin and Minho and actually try to have a good time.

 

No. Instead the younger tries to shovel down the food as fast as possible, without Mrs. Han catching the meaning behind his actions. He wants to get away, Minho knows. He's not oblivious like Mrs. Han.

 

But Mrs. Han is too busy interrogating Changbin anyway.

 

“I always wondered why you didn’t go to college right after graduating,” She says, her hands folded on the table in front of her. She seems genuinely interested, though. Atleast Minho thinks so.

 

“Minho begged me to wait for him,” Changbin says, flashing a quick smile in Minho's direction. "Said he won't survive college without me."

 

“Sure it wasn’t because you couldn’t get in?” Jisung snarls quietly, the first thing he’s said that night. Minho almost let’s out a scoff, finding the younger’s remark witty.

 

“What was that, my dear?” Mrs. Han asks, eyebrows raised. This way the wrinkles on her forehead are on full display, and Minho’s instantly reminded of his own mother when she wasn’t too happy with Minho.

 

He shakes the thought away, not in the mood nor right company to think about his parents.

 

“I said, can you pass me the salt, please?” Jisung says. Minho and Changbin steal glances at each other while Mrs. Han helps Jisung, and Minho hopes the older finally understands what Minho has to go through every day.

 

After a little silence, Mrs. Han is reminded by the topic they left at because of Jisung, and tries again. “So, what are you thinking of studying, Changbin? I know Minho is into dancing, but what about you?”

 

“Oh, I’m thinking of majoring in music, composing maybe?” He says, his cheeks flashing a light shade of pink when he realises everyone at the table is listening to him. “I-I make music, when I have time between work and dealing with Minho’s needy self, I mean.”

 

Mrs. Han laughs wholeheartedly and adds something, but Minho’s attention is already focused on the boy sitting across him. Minho could be wrong, oh, he’s sure he’s wrong, but to him Jisung looks actually _interested_? That can’t be right.

 

Minho had been sure the younger was just putting on an act, instead of listening he imagined the younger to be solving a math problem in his head or even singing a pop tune, but not this.

 

“You and Minho are gonna room together then, right?” Mrs. Han asks, and it seems like the questions are never ending. “I’m just assuming, because you two are so close.”

 

“Yeah, we are.” Minho says, coughing his throat clear when he realises his voice had gotten a little bit hoarse from not using it the whole time. “I’m gonna get a part time job anyway, so I can finally stop living with your money.”

 

“Ah, stop it.” Mrs. Han scolds, but her tone is warm. “You’re an absolute delight, Minho. I’m glad to have you here. And I’m sure Jisungie feels the same way.” She says, grabbing her son’s hand under the table and squeezing it. It looks like she’s encouraging Jisung to be open about his feelings.

 

“Mhmh. Sure.” Jisung just mumbles, eyes fixed on the empty plate in front of him as his face goes all red.

 

Oh, Minho knows Changbin will never forget this. He will tease Jisung about this till they both die. And maybe then continue teasing him in the next life. And the one after. 

  
  


When Changbin’s about to leave, Mrs. Han makes Jisung and Minho accompany them in the hallway as she sends Changbin off with a hug.

 

Minho’s standing a little further behind them, still feeling the cold air creep up to him from between the opened door, and Jisung’s sitting on the staircase behind him. The night outside is dark, but atleast it has stopped snowing. Who knows for how long, though.

 

Minho waves at the older for the last time as Changbin sets off, and Mrs. Han locks the door behind him before wishing them a good night and leaving the two alone in the hallway.

 

Minho’s right about to skip by Jisung, seeing there’s no point in just standing in the hallway with a literal ghost, when the younger’s voice startles him to a stop.

 

“You’re rooming with a _gay_ person?” Jisung asks, and he scoffs a little when Minho questioningly raises his brow at him. “You’ll end up the same as him, trust me.”

 

If Jisung only knew.  

 

“Oh, I guess they don’t call you a genius for no reason, _Jisungie_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is jisung into making music too?? :o Who Knows. 
> 
> BUT ANYWAYS HAPPY HOLIDAYS MY LOVES!!!! hope you're all feeling happy and wonderful, just like i am :')) 
> 
> id like to say two things: first of all this fic already has 10k words now and.. i havent even STARTED the actual thing i wanted to write about so,, thank u for reading and thank you for +100 kudos and all the comments, you've been so supporting and patient. 
> 
> and second of all i said this under lean on me too, but if any of you needs an ear to listen to you then im here for you! i want you all to be happy and find time to heal this winter, so please consider me as your friend if you need someone! my twt and cc are down there for a reason :D
> 
> ramble over thank u for reading and YES ily!!! take care and keep leading the minsung nation


	7. Embarrassed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> she's back (with a timeskip). Let the fun begin

“No partying in my house! Everything else is fine, I trust you both, but no partying!” Mrs. Han scolds again as she puts on her spring coat and Minho watches with excitement as she gathers the last of her things in her purse.

 

“I still don’t understand why Auntie needs you over for the whole spring break. Minho hyung and I will die of hunger.” Jisung whines as he leans against the front door, arms crossed over his chest. Minho isn’t exactly keen about staying home alone with Jisung for two weeks either, but zero adult supervision is also something new and so Minho can’t help but smile, thrilled.

 

Well, Minho is an adult, but still.

 

“I can cook.” Minho offers, as Mrs. Han nods approvingly. Jisung glares at him before huffing and standing up straight. Minho is a good cook, he knows it himself, but if Jisung won’t appreciate his skills, they will have to settle for instant ramen and cereal for all he cares.

 

“I left you plenty of money and if you still somehow run out, you can always call me, okay?” Mrs. Han holds Jisung’s chin and presses a light kiss on the top of his head. Jisung doesn’t say anything as Mrs. Han turns to Minho and smiles at him warmly.

 

“You’re the older one here, so you have the final word. If Jisung acts up, you better put him in place.” Mrs. Han laughs as Jisung mutters “ _i’m right here, you know_ ”.

 

“Oh, I will.” Minho says, accepting Mrs. Han’s quick hug. The news of Mrs. Han leaving to visit her sister were surprising, as she would usually never leave the two boys alone. Minho knew his spring break wasn’t gonna be the easiest one, but he wasn’t gonna let Jisung get his way with him either. He has to enjoy this as much as he can.

 

“Off I go!” Mrs. Han says, grabbing hold of her suitcase and letting Jisung guide her out of the house.

 

“Sure you don’t want me to send you to the car?” Jisung asks, a tint of worry in his voice. How he cares so much about his mother is, not gonna lie, so fucking sweet.

 

“I’ll be fine, Jisungie.” Minho chuckles at the nickname, letting out a loud gasp when Jisung steps on his toes with his foot. He glares at him over his shoulder before turning back to his mother with a sweet smile. “Take care, my darlings. Don’t forget to call me!” Mrs. Han says before turning around, walking towards her car.

 

“Greet Auntie for us too!” Minho yells when the aching pain in his leg finally soothes down a little. Jisung will pay for this later.

 

They stay standing by the door as they watch Mrs. Han pull out of the driveway, waving their last goodbyes. When Jisung’s mom is out of sight, they both rush inside. Even if it’s late March, it’s still windy and rainy, so Minho would rather not stay in the unpleasant weather.

 

“You better not get in my way.” Jisung says, all emotion from his face gone. Had there ever been an expression on this boy’s face? He walks past Minho without even looking at him, up the stairs and straight to their shared bedroom. Minho feels stupid as he realises he’s been literally glued to the same spot by their front door.

 

“Same goes for you!” Minho yells after the younger when his legs finally decide to move. Two can play this game.

  
  
  
  


“We need to go grocery shopping.” Minho mumbles on the doorway of their living room, watching Jisung’s eyes slowly move from the TV to Minho. Minho probably lost their little game now, but really. There is nothing in the fridge and Minho is not in the mood to starve.

 

“Wait, are you serious?” Jisung asks, eyebrows perked up. “I’m not going anywhere with you.” He says, placing his feet on the coffee table right in front of the couch. It’s his smug way of saying I’m staying. But he must’ve felt disgusted by his own actions because already a second later he’s bringing his legs right down on the floor while ignoring Minho’s loud laughter.

 

“C’mon, there’s nothing in the fridge. And if you’re worried about your friends seeing us together,” Jisung’s attention is back on him too fast at the mention of his friends, It’s quite scary, “It’s a Saturday night, I don’t think they will be grocery shopping.”

 

Why was he trying to convince Jisung in the first place? It’s not like he wants to be with him. He could just call Changbin instead and go with a person that actually likes his company.

 

“I guess you’re right.” Jisung mumbles, taking the remote control in his hands and for Minho’s surprise turning off the TV. “Don’t waste too much time or I’ll change my mind about this,” Jisung warns as he walks past Minho in the doorway, their shoulders brushing together for a millisecond. Minho’s crazy for noticing this, right?

 

He’s even crazier for feeling chills run down his spine, right?

 

He tries to shake it away as he follows the younger upstairs, not wasting any time as he hastily gets dressed and puts some of the money Mrs. Han left them in the front pocket of his jacket. He hopes it doesn’t start raining as the two leave the cosy house, instantly being hit with the cold wind and sad reality of the dark clouds that are following them.

 

It’s definitely gonna rain.

 

They don’t say much the whole time they walk, arms just brushing slightly now and then. Minho tries to pay it no attention because maybe the sidewalk is just too cramped and they’re both blinded by the darkness of the Spring night. If the both of them have their hands shoved in their front pockets, it’s obvious that their arms will end up touching now and then, right?

 

“Are you really just gonna walk past the shop? Dumbass.” Jisung calls after him, waking him from his thoughts. Minho turns around, blushing furiously as he practically runs past Jisung and straight inside the store. He really can’t get any more embarrassing, can he.

 

His humiliation is a perfect excuse to distance himself from the younger as he strolls around the store, stopping now and then to put something random and completely unneeded in the cart. He’s not sure if Jisung wants him to cook for him tonight, and he doesn’t really wanna ask the younger either, so he settles for frozen pizza and junk food instead.

 

It’s like Jisung is some kind of a mind reader as he turns up right when Minho is picking up different sorts of instant ramen from the aisle. “What about the big dinner you promised me?” The younger closes the distance between them as he walks up to him, putting something in the cart in Minho’s left hand.

 

“I just said I can cook. I didn’t promise you anything.” Jisung is too fucking close. Why isn’t he stepping back already? “B-But if you want me to cook for you-”

 

“Tomorrow.” He finally steps away, turning around and walking further down the aisle. Minho shakes his head and follows behind Jisung like a lost puppy, not sure if they need anything else. When he finds the younger, he’s already holding them a spot in the line and Minho hurries over, a smile on his lips as he thanks Jisung. Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.

  
  
  
  


“Changbin hyung’s coming over for a movie night.” Minho says, sitting down besides Jisung on their familiar living room couch. He leaves some distance between them, just in case Jisung’s mood has done a 180 degree change and he will want to punch Minho for this.

 

“No.” Jisung’s reply comes short and fast. Minho’s a little taken back as he turns to the younger, seeing that he wasn’t kidding at all.

 

“What do you mean, no?”

 

“I mean that no, he’s not coming over for a movie night.”

 

“Well, are you gonna watch a movie with me?” Minho asks. He’s not surprised that the younger has found another way to be ridiculous and annoy Minho.

 

“No.”

 

“So, Changbin hyung’s gonna come over and watch a movie with me.”

 

“No.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Fine,” Jisung says, turning to face Minho for a brief second.

 

“He can come?” Minho asks hopefully, smiling a little. He doesn’t know why he’s having this conversation with the latter anyway, he’s the older one here and he will decide for himself.

 

“No. I mean I’ll watch the movie with you.” Minho’s not sure if the dim living room lights are doing Jisung dirty or if he’s actually blushing a little. “But no horror movies.”

 

“But I wanted to watch a horror movie.”

 

“No.” Jisung turns away.

 

“Yes.”

 

“No.”

 

“I’m gonna invite Changbin hyung.”

 

“Fine, one horror movie.” He’s definitely blushing now. Like, his whole neck is shading dark red. “B-But the lights will stay on.”

 

“Whatever,” Minho cheers, deciding not to bully the younger for his little wish. He jumps up and rushes out of the living room, excited to actually watch a movie with Jisung. “Do you want popcorn?” He asks, leaning against the doorway. The younger shakes his head, the remote control already in his hands as he searches for a movie to watch. Minho will bet on his left lung that Jisung will choose the most non-scariest one.

 

When he returns with a bowl of salty popcorn in one hand and a bottle of some cheap lemonade in other, he finds Jisung safely tucked under a blanket, his legs crossed as if to protect them from the monster living under their couch. Minho smiles at the sight, before letting Jisung know of his presence by coughing a little.

 

Jisung stares at him the whole time as Minho puts the lemonade on the floor next to the couch and sits down with the bowl securely in his hands, a tight grip keeping it from making a huge mess.

 

Jisung’s eyes are still on him, Minho can feel it.

 

“Mind starting the movie now?” He asks quietly, glancing in Jisung’s direction.

 

“Can you sit a little bit closer?” Jisung asks, his voice tiny. Minho’s eyes fly open as he finally makes eye contact with the younger, surprise on both of their faces. “I-I want the popcorn.”

 

“But you said-” Minho raises his voice, when the younger interrupts him.

 

“I changed my mind.” Jisung says, just that easily. Like he hadn’t just asked Minho the scariest question in his whole lifetime. Minho realises his mouth is still hanging wide open and he closes it quickly, breaking the eye contact.

 

“Whatever.” Minho mumbles, as he scoots closer. Their bodies are literally pressed together. Side by side. Even if Minho said it’s whatever, no big deal, his heart clearly didn’t feel the same way judging by the way it was thumping so fucking loudly in his chest.

 

He knows Jisung can feel it too, probably the whole neighbourhood can hear his crazy heartbeat right now, but for once the younger has decided not to humiliate him and keep it to his own knowledge. Thank god.

 

The rest of the movie goes by quietly, Minho’s eyes glued to the screen as he shoves the popcorn down his throat. He tries to focus as hard as he can, but sometimes he still finds himself thinking about Jisung, the warmth his body is radiating against Minho’s side and the fact that Jisung hasn’t touched the popcorn once.

 

Minho’s pretty sure the movie’s finally about to end when he catches Jisung’s head lull back against the couch from the corner of his eye. He turns to him slowly, as if a single movement will break the spell of this sweet and quiet Jisung, and stares at him with a small smile on his face. This is his favorite kind of Jisung. The one who doesn’t try to push him away. He likes the vulnerable Jisung so much better than the angry one.

 

Minho realises it actually means a lot to him that the younger sat through the movie with him, even if he was clearly not interested in it. And judging by the shocking gasps that left his mouth once in a while, he had been scared too. If only Jisung was always like this. Caring and friendly.

 

“What am I gonna do with you?” Minho whispers, his finger brushing down Jisung’s face in a feather-like touch. Minho knows that if his hand lingered on the younger’s cheek, it would just end up burning the both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! thank u for making my last year so good, i hope u guys stay supporting my works ily  
> also there's a new woochan oneshot on the way, so if u wanna read it dont hesitate to subscribe to my account :')


	8. Paradise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS BEEN 18 DAYS IM SOOOOOOOOOOOO SORRY but guess who's sick again

Minho grunts loudly as his ringtone blares through his skull, letting him know of an incoming call. “Who the fuck?” He mumbles, reaching for the phone on his nightstand, eyes half closed. He feels like it’s only been three seconds since he fell asleep.

 

“Yes?”

 

 _“Min, wake the fuck up.”_ Changbin’s loud voice startles him, and Minho has to doublecheck if he hadn’t accidentally put the older on speaker mode. Thankfully, he hadn’t, Changbin is just a loud dumbass.

 

“Stop yelling.” He shushes, scared of waking the younger boy sleeping close to him. He eyes Jisung carefully, hoping Changbin’s morning call didn’t wake him. “What do you want?”

 

_“Minnie, you promised to make me lunch for work. And it’s my lunch break in an hour, so..”_

 

“I promised you what?” Minho asks, surprised. He hasn’t talked to the older ever since spring break started. What is he on about? 

 

_“You promised to make me lunch.”_

 

“I promised to make you lunch?”

 

 _“See, you just said it yourself.”_ Changbin laughs, knowing he got what he wanted.

 

Minho sighs in defeat as he turns on his back, his other arm coming to rest over his eyes. “Fuck you. I’m so fucking tired, how could you do this to me?” He whines, but there’s a small smile forming on his lips as he thinks about seeing his best friend again.

 

“Well, you’re not the only tired one here.” Jisung’s voice croaks suddenly from his side of the room, and Minho’s just about to sit up, see if the boy’s really awake or if Minho is just hearing things, when Jisung sends one of his pillows flying straight at Minho’s face. “Shut up for once.”

 

Minho let’s his phone fall down on his bed as he sits up, Jisung’s pillow in his lap. He looks over at the younger, but Jisung has already turned his back on him and hid under the blanket, only the tip of his light brown locks visible. His hair looks incredibly touchable and soft and Minho can’t help but wonder how it would feel like to card his fingers through that mop of hair.

 

He’s being ridiculous.

 

Minho quickly changes out of his sleeping clothes, grabs his phone after making sure that Changbin had been the smarter one and ended the call earlier, and leaves the bedroom. But not before taking that pillow back to the right owner.

 

He walks up to the younger’s bed and places the pillow softly on top of him, smiling at the adorable sight. Jisung looks so peaceful when he’s asleep, a complete opposite to the barking and withdrawn awake Jisung.

 

“If you’re gonna try and pick a fight with someone, don’t go hiding under your blanket right after.” Minho says, before turning away and leaving the room. It’s gonna be hard shaking the younger out of his thoughts, but Minho will just have to try his hardest.

  
  
  


It’s thirty minutes later when Minho has mixed together thousand of ingredients, filling the small kitchen with different tasty smells. Minho cooked and cooked and cooked, making a little lunch box for the older with all sorts of food in it. He enjoyed this, the quiet atmosphere and the warm sunlight peeking through the windows. It’s like healing time for him.

 

He’s washing up the last dishes of the huge pile he somehow had used, when the silence is interrupted by the quiet footsteps he hears coming down the stairs. Jisung.

 

The younger makes an appearance approximately twenty seconds later, leaning against the door frame as he crosses his arms on his chest and stares at Minho. Minho tries not to look at the other’s pouty lips.

 

“Tell Changbin not to call so early. Some of us are sleeping in the morning.” He says, tone threatening. Jisung doesn’t look exactly happy, Minho finds himself thinking. Even worrying.

 

“How did you know it was Changbin hyung?” Minho blurts out, before he can stop himself.

 

Jisung’s cheeks go a little red at Minho’s question, but he doesn’t let his disguise fall. “Who else has you whipped around their little finger like that? Considering how you woke up at ass o’clock to cook for him but haven’t even cooked anything for me ever since mom left.”

 

Is he upset? He can’t possibly be upset. There's just no way.

 

“I’m sorry.” Minho mumbles, and he sees Jisung’s eyes soften for a second before he says the wrong thing again. Atleast the wrong thing in the younger’s opinion. “But there’s some leftovers, you can have those.”

 

“Do I look like I’m so desperate that I’d want Changbin’s leftovers? Seriously…” He barks, before turning away and leaving Minho alone just like that. Minho feels something heavy drop in his chest, and he can’t help but feel sorry for upsetting the younger. Again. For the nth time. But he hadn’t meant the words like that.

 

Is it really such a big deal for Jisung that Minho cooks for him when he has never cared about stuff like this before?

  
  
  


Minho sits quietly next to Changbin, breathing in the cold spring air as the older munches on some apple he had stolen from the cafe’s kitchen. He had finished the lunch box Minho made him in just a couple of seconds, appreciating the home cooked meals and snacks.

 

“Stop worrying about Jisung. You know he has like, personality issues.” Changbin says, his knee kicking lightly against Minho’s. They’ll probably regret sitting on a stone later, considering how the last bits of snow haven’t even melted yet and his ass is freezing, but they don’t care about it right now. Sitting outside under the warm sunlight is much better than inside the cafe.

 

“I’m not worried.” Minho says, and really, he isn’t. He’s just confused. And okay, maybe just a little bit worried. “And he doesn’t have personality issues or whatever it is that you said. He just feels a lot, I guess.”

 

“But it’s none of your business, Min. Has he ever cared about your feelings, for instance?”

 

“Well,” Minho mutters, turning slightly away from the older’s burning gaze. “He got me a birthday present, remember? And he took care of me when I twisted my ankle back on that stupid hike. And he never judges me when I have those horrible nightmares, you know the ones I’m talking about.”

 

Changbin doesn’t say anything for a while, they just sit quietly, side by side, outside of the cafe the older works at.

 

“When did you become so fond of him?” _How could you have let it happen?_ Changbin finally asks, a question that’s been on Minho’s mind a lot lately.

 

“I think I’ve always been fond of him. Maybe I’m just finally realising it.” Minho says with a light chuckle. He knows now that he has said it out loud, confessed it out in the open, there’s no taking it back. He feels like a final decision has been made for him.

 

But Changbin smiles at him warmly, like saying it’s okay, it’s gonna be alright, he isn't judging him, and snakes his arm around Minho’s shoulders. Minho accepts the warmth, letting his head rest on the older’s shoulder.

 

Minho knows it’s so much more than fondness. He really can’t even put it into words what it is that he feels for the younger. He just knows that considering all the anger and pain but also warmth Jisung makes him feel, it’s a lot.

  
  
  


Minho wakes up the next morning to the alarm he had set last night. He had made sure the sound is just barely loud enough to wake Minho, but not the younger. He wants to wake the younger to a different surprise, not repeat yesterday morning’s madness.

 

Minho had made a decision after Changbin got back to work, a decision to fix his _mistake_ and make Jisung the breakfast of his lifetime. He had gone grocery shopping, buying enough eggs and milk and whipped cream and strawberries and blueberries and _everything_ to make Jisung a big plate of pancakes and waffles. The sweet things he knows Jisung loves and can’t say no to.

 

Considering how the younger didn’t even talk to him last night, Minho was glad he had made a decision like this to cheer Jisung up. He’s not gonna let Jisung feel aggrieved for the rest of the spring break, even if Minho hadn’t really done anything wrong in his opinion and Jisung was just being a little moody as usual. But this time, Minho will be the bigger person and he will make them talk again, he's confident.

 

He drags himself out of his comfortable bed, careful not to make any unnecessary noises that would disturb the younger’s sleep because a cranky Jisung getting in his way is the last thing he needs right now.

 

Their kitchen welcomes him with the same warmness as yesterday, and Minho realises it’s the second day in a row where there’s no snowfall, no rain, just a clear blue sky with a ton of sunlight. This must be a good sign, he thinks. 

 

Before he starts, he decides to put on his favorite playlist, feeling excitement wash over his body at the familiar tunes. If he decides to have a little dance show in the kitchen, no one can stop him.

 

It doesn’t take long for the sweet fragrances of the freshly made pancakes and waffles to spread around the house and wake the younger boy upstairs. He hears Jisung drag his feet down the staircase when Minho’s just about to finish setting up the table, and so he welcomes the confused boy standing in the doorway with a smile, taking in his mussed hair and puffy face.

 

“Good morning, sleepyhead.” Minho says, being extra careful choosing his words this time. “I thought I’d surprise you with some of your favorite breakfast.”

 

Minho’s eyes are glued to Jisung as the younger watches everything that’s been set up on the table. The piles of pancakes, waffles, bowls of whipped cream, ice cream and fruit. All the sweet things no one sane enough would actually consider a healthy breakfast, but it’s not like the two care.

 

It takes some time for the sleepy boy to finally realise what he’s seeing is real and not a dream, because a moment later his shocked face is taken over by a big gummy smile. A smile directed only at Minho.

 

“Wow, thank you hyung.” He says, maybe a little awkward but again, Minho doesn’t care. Jisung is smiling and it’s finally thanks to him and really, that’s all that matters to the older right now.

 

“It’s not a big deal, just sit down and dig in, okay?” Minho says, smiling himself. He sits across the younger, letting him take as much as he wants while he prefers to just sip on his coffee. The sight of Jisung’s big cheeks is enough to make him feel full.

 

“That’s a really good song, by the way.” Jisung says, nibbling on a strawberry. His voice wakes Minho from his constant dreaming, and Minho realises with a blush that he’s been staring at Jisung the whole time.

 

“Uhh, what song?”

 

“The one you’re playing right now?” Jisung says, confused.

 

Oh shit. Minho had forgotten to turn off his music and now Jisung has been listening to his favorite tracks the whole time and isn’t showing others your music taste one of the most intimate things ever and wait, did he just say it’s a good song-

 

“I think it’s produced really well,” Jisung says, his voice more confident this time.

 

“Produced?” Minho asks. He doesn’t know much about making music, that’s more of a Changbin thing, but he notices the look on Jisung’s face. It’s the same one he had when they were eating dinner with Changbin and Mrs. Han and Changbin had said he’s thinking of majoring in music or whatever, and now Minho _finally_ knows what it means. The surprised and interested look on Jisung’s face means that Jisung likes making music too.  

 

“Yeah..” He nods, trailing off. He looks shy, and maybe it’s because he has never shared his interests with Minho before or because he has never shared this piece of information with anyone, but Minho feels ridiculously special.

 

“So, you like producing music? That’s really cool, man.” Minho says, trying to encourage the boy sitting across him. “Well, I’m just guessing. I don’t actually know if you like it or not-”

 

“Yeah, I do.” Jisung stops Minho’s rambling, and his gaze is still shy but he finally meets Minho’s eyes again and Minho can’t stop himself from thinking that it really feels good to have Jisung’s attention back on him. “It’s a lot like dancing to you. It keeps me alive? Or yeah.. I don’t know, I just really like it.”

 

Minho can tell the younger is clearly flustered right now because he had shared something so important with Minho and that clearly hadn’t been his intention, but now it’s too late to take it back, anyway.

 

“I understand what you mean, Jisung.” Minho gives him a small smile and nods. An understanding between the two. A clear promise he won’t tell others.

 

Not like Jisung has to worry about stuff like this anyway because first of all, there’s nothing to make fun of because making music is actually fucking awesome, and secondly, Minho only has Changbin to tell stuff like this to.

 

“I still think you could like learn a thing or two from Changbin if you didn’t hate the man. He’s really good at that stuff, you know. And I’m sure he’d gladly help.” Minho says, knowing he’s right this time. There’s really no reason for Jisung to hate Changbin in his opinion.

 

“I guess.” Is all Jisung mumbles as he looks out the window, away from Minho. Maybe he is thinking about Minho’s suggestion or maybe he just doesn’t wanna ruin the good mood by fighting over the whole Changbin topic, it really doesn’t matter because Minho drops the subject and leaves it at that.

 

Minho figures the younger is done talking to him and he’ll just get started on cleaning, when Jisung raises his voice again.

 

“I-I’m going to this party later tonight by the way… And I was thinking, do you, uhh, d-do you wanna come? With me, I-I mean?” Jisung is a blushing and stuttering mess by the time he finishes, and Minho really has no heart to turn him down after this, even if he hates parties and everyone that’s probably gonna be there.

 

“Sure, I’ll come with you.”

 

This morning was clearly a success.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope this chapter isnt disappointing n u guys liked it bc.. there will be Trouble In The Paradise soon and u will hate me then n.. .. . yeah i just hope u will stay with me n this story till the end :') 
> 
> stay warm and healthy and try not to get sick like me bc im seeing day6 in 2 days n im Madly Sick and thats not rly fun :D like im serious u guys TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES
> 
> (also did anyone see that clip from skz concert yesterday where minho like held jisung rly close by his shoulders ye that made me cry i love them so much haha n i had no one to yell about it to so IM DOING IT NOW I LOVE MINSUNG THANK U)
> 
> (ALSO if u didnt see i posted a woochan one shot pls give it lots of love!! it has very slight minsung bc that's who i am)


	9. uhgood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally back with an update lets go!  
> this chapter was NOT gonna end like this we were gonna get through the whole party but of course my dumb ass had to add too much bantering so the chapter ended up getting too long and now i had to make the party into 2 separate chapters im sorry  
> also absolutely not proofread bc i have toooo much to do so im sorry for any mistakes :D

“I’ll be going now,” Minho says, leaning against the doorframe of their living room. Jisung doesn’t look up from the book he’s reading, but he huffs quietly and Minho knows the other had heard him.

 

“Could’ve just told me you don’t wanna come with me,” Jisung turns the next page, and even if the lighting in the room is dim, Minho still recognises the book in the younger’s lap.

 

A history book.

 

Minho almost snorts.

 

Before his mind registers what Jisung had said a moment earlier.

 

“W-What? Don’t wanna come where?” Minho asks, dumbfounded. Jisung rolls his eyes so hard, Minho wonders how they hadn’t popped out of his head at the movement. “I’m sorry I have no idea what you’re talking about right now.”

 

“Don’t tell me you forgot this quickly.” Jisung chortles, before finally closing the book in his lap and landing his eyes on Minho. Minho feels heat make its way up to his cheeks at the younger’s burning gaze, _fuck._ There’s no way he won’t notice. “That has to be a record for you, Minho hyung.” He doesn’t miss the teasing tint in Jisung’s voice.

 

“M-Maybe if you told me what the fuck you’re talking about-”

 

“The party, dumbass.” Jisung cuts in the middle, not even bothering to let Minho finish his sentence. “I asked you out, remember?”

 

_Out?_

 

_Asked him out as in? Out out?_

 

“O-Of course I didn’t forget,” Minho feels the corners of his lips tug upwards. He can’t help it. Jisung had been worrying if Minho had after all decided to skip on him, and in Minho’s opinion that’s a huge reason to smile.

 

“Oh?” Jisung asks, tilting his _pretty_ head, a single strand of hair falling on his eyes.

 

It’s not often when Minho gets the chance to see Jisung confused, and damn, it’s definitely too cute to handle.

 

“I’m just going over to Changbin hyung’s to get dressed.” Minho says, before he feels laughter bubbling in his chest, making him miss the way Jisung’s face had fallen at the mention of Changbin. “You didn’t- you didn’t think I was gonna wear this to the party, did you?

 

“What’s wrong with what you’re wearing?” Jisung seems flustered, maybe even surprised at Minho’s laughter. “You always look nice in whatever you wear, okay? What was I supposed to think?” Jisung asks, his gaze shy as their eyes lock again.

 

Was that a compliment?

 

“Wow,” Minho whistles, hoping he doesn’t make whatever it is going on between them awkward now. “You really aren’t holding back with the generosity today, _Jisungie_.”

 

“D-Don’t call me that, stupid.” Jisung says, suddenly standing up and taking a step towards Minho.

 

“Why not, Jisungie?” Minho says, smirking a little. The eye contact is like a competition at this point, none of them wanting to lose by looking away from the other. Daring.

 

“Because I’m not a baby.” Another step.

 

Thank the Lords of poverty for gifting them with a small house like this, because at this point there’s barely a feet of distance between them, and Minho’s _oh-so-fine_ with it.

 

“But you will always be two years younger than me,” Minho mumbles, before he decides to test the waters, test his _luck_ that has hardly existed before, “ _baby._ ”

 

Jisung’s eyes go comically big before his hands land on Minho’s shoulders and he turns the older around with a quick spin. “W-Weren’t you gonna leave?” He stutters, pushing the older towards the front door.

 

Minho finds himself laughing at the younger’s panic, but doesn’t protest as he lets Jisung guide him out of the house, even doing as much as opening the front door for him.

 

Minho turns around and finds Jisung already closing the door with a furious speed.

 

“W-Wait, will you, will you text me before you go?” Minho asks, still smiling. The younger looks at him with his confused and _still flustered_ face before he realises what Minho is talking about.

 

“Oh, yeah, yeah.” He nods quickly, obviously wanting to get out of this situation already.

 

“Wait!” Minho remembers at the last second, pushing his arm forward. “My keys.”

 

Jisung looks at him like he’s deciding some serious stuff in his head before he replies, “You won’t need them. We’ll come back home together anyway, so..” He drifts off, shyly. Thankfully, Jisung misses the dumb grin that takes over Minho’s features because he’s very quick to mumble a little _bye_ right after and shove the door closed right in front of Minho’s face.

 

Wow.

  
  


Like the best friend Changbin is, he takes no time dressing Minho in what he calls his finest party outfit and sitting him down in a chair to give him a little makeover. He promises he won’t do much, just some little makeup to pop out the pretty eyes of his.

 

But it makes Minho’s rambling harder, Changbin having to slap a hand over his mouth quite many times to not end up making the younger go blind.

 

“I know you and Jisung are really going at this whole flirting thing nowadays, but if you wanna look extremely hot tonight for him you need to shut up, okay.” Changbin grunts, looking a little threatening with the sharp eyeliner in his hands.

 

Minho zips his mouth up, promising to behave.

 

He lets his mind wander instead, imagining all that can happen at the party.

 

He knows it can’t be all rainbows and unicorns, considering how he hardly talks to his schoolmates and has been teased, even hated by a lot of them. But then he thinks about Jisung inviting him, Jisung asking him _out,_ thinks about spending the night in the younger’s company and even if it makes him just as anxious, he feels lighter, better.

 

Maybe it won’t be so bad if he has Jisung by his side?

 

“I’m done, I’m done!” Changbin says excitedly, clapping his hands together like a little kid that’s about to get a burger for dinner. He rushes Minho over to the big mirror in his living room, standing behind him like a proud mom as they both look at Minho’s reflection in the mirror.

 

“Okay,” Minho breathes out before plastering a smile on his face. “Maybe I really do look good.”

 

“Right!” Changbin says, shaking Minho by his shoulders lightly. “You’re obviously gonna be the hottest person there, and no homo, bro, but those jeans look fucking amazing on you.”

 

Minho does a little twirl, looking at himself from every side possible. “You’re right, my thighs look like a throne.” He smiles sheepishly, earning an approving nod from Changbin. “Definitely stealing these pants from you, and I’m not even sorry.”

 

“Hey!”

 

“That’s payback bitch!” Minho turns around, flicking his best friend on the forehead. “Remember the hoodie you took from me and burned a fucking hole in it with your stupid cigarette? I loved that hoodie, it was like family to me-”

 

“You had it for two years and only wore it once.” Changbin glares at him, while pressing his hands over his forehead. Minho didn’t even hit him that hard, drama queen.

 

“-I could’ve given it to my son as a gift and he would’ve given it to his son, and then my grandson would’ve given it to his-”

 

Minho’s grieving speech is disturbed by his ring tone going off, feeling his heart flutter in his chest when he realises it’s Jisung calling.

 

_The baby._

 

“Yes?” Minho says, answering the call.

 

 _“You done with the Seo Changbin?”_ Jisung asks, no shame whatsoever in his voice. Minho chortles before turning to face his best friend and mouthing quietly so Jisung doesn’t hear him, “He just called you the Seo Changbin.”

 

“Tell him that’s the Seo Changbin hyung for him!” Changbin yells, correcting the younger as Minho watches anger flash in his eyes. Dumbasses.

 

“Ye, we’re done,” Minho replies instead, hearing the little puffs coming from Jisung’s side. He must be walking somewhere. “What’s up?” He asks as casually as he can, even as he feels his heart bursting out of his chest. A heart attack is the last thing he needs tonight.

 

 _“I’m in front of his house. Come out?”_ It sounds like a question, the last confirmation that Minho hasn’t ended up changing his mind.

 

“Let me just grab my jacket and I’ll be down in a second,” Minho says, stumbling a little as he tries to pull his sneakers on with one hand.

 

 _“See you,”_ Jisung says, before ending the call. Minho fishes the phone into the pocket of his jeans  as he makes eye contact with his best friend.

 

“Go get your mans,” Changbin smiles, handing Minho his jacket he happily accepts.

 

“I don’t even know if it’s a date, I mean I hardly think it’s a date, considering it’s Han fucking Jisung we are talking about, so-”

 

“I said go get your mans, not start another annoying ramble.” Changbin says, furrowing his eyebrows in an intimidating manner.

 

Minho chortles as he looks at the smaller man in front of him, arms crossed on his chest. “I’m not scared of you, ant-man. Even if you have great guns, I mean really great guns, no one has biceps like you-”

 

“Get fucking out of here already or I’ll throw you down the stairs.” Changbin says, pushing Minho out of his apartment and straight into the hallway. “Go now, he’s waiting.”

 

“Yeah, you’re right.” Minho says, taking a deep breath as he lets his eyes rest on the comfort that is his best friend. New environment, new people, new everything. It’s gonna be scary for sure, but might end up being worth it anyway.

 

“I love you, and it’s gonna be alright,” Changbin says, like he could read his mind.

 

Maybe he can, who knows.

 

“I’ll text you later.” Minho says, giving a final smile and finally turning around.

 

“Nice ass you got there!” Changbin yells as he walks away, laughing loudly.

  
  


The walk over there is painfully quiet, Jisung hadn’t even said a single word when they had reunited in front of Changbin’s house. All that had left Jisung’s mouth was a hum as he looked Minho up and down, and Minho could only hope it had been an approving one.

 

He had wanted to ask _“Like what you see?”,_ but scaring off the younger is the last thing he wanted to do, so he had kept his mouth shut.

 

Thankfully, Minho’s quite skilled at being quiet, something that happens when you have no one to talk to in school. And your own home.

 

So instead of thinking about the boy walking right next to him, _so so close to him_ , he focuses on everything else around him. He looks up at the stars in the tint black sky, he looks for the moon, and actually smiles a little when he finally finds it hiding behind a rather big cloud, and even stares at the pavement just because.

 

The streets are familiar to Minho, one of the pros of living in a small town, and it doesn’t take long for Minho to realise they’re on their way to Miyeon’s house. He feels something drop in his stomach, but what else could he have expected?

 

Miyeon is rich, absolutely everyone in school knows her and wants to be around her, _only God knows why_ , so of course it’s her that throws the biggest party of the whole spring break. And by the looks of it, it really is a big one, taking in the loud music blasting in Minho’s ears even if they’re still a couple of blocks away and the other teenagers heading the same way he and Jisung are.

 

It’s not too late to run away.

 

He could just-

 

“You okay?” Jisung asks, nudging Minho’s arm with his elbow. Minho turns his head just a little to find Jisung’s big eyes looking straight into Minho’s mind, soul, brain. He needs to block him out, build up his walls or he’s fucked.

 

“Yeah, yeah, absolutely fine,” Minho chuckles, a little too loud maybe, but he’s nervous and it seems like he just can’t stop embarrassing himself- “Just haven’t been out in a long time and..” _I hate Miyeon more than all disgusting bugs and snakes and spiders and serial killers and boring chemistry classes combined._

 

“I won’t leave you alone, you wimp, so don’t worry,” Jisung jokes, but Minho can sense Jisung’s a little nervous too for doing something like this, inviting Minho to be with his friend group. This must’ve been a thank you from Jisung for cooking him breakfast, but if it goes bad Jisung will end up feeling guilty, Minho’s sure.

 

“I’m not worried.” Minho lies, hoping the other boy can’t tell. He doesn’t want to ruin his night, even if Jisung can be real fucking annoying at times, he cares for the younger. Always has and always will.

 

“Good,” Jisung says, opening the door to the big house without even knocking and pushing Minho in first. Minho’s instantly hit with the smell of alcohol and sweat and vomit and-

 

“Minho oppa, Jisung oppa!” He hears the girl before she digs her long nails into Minho’s shoulder, smiling at the two boys while gazing at them through her thick fake eyelashes. Her perfume could kill. And not in a good way.

 

“I was thinking you two are flaking on me!” She _shrieks_ , too loud for Minho’s liking. Minho doesn’t understand how the girl had gotten to them so easily right after they had arrived, when the house is literally full of people. Like packed. It’s like she had been waiting by the door until his prince arrives. But instead of a white horse, he brings an ogre with him.

 

“No, Minho hyung was just taking his sweet time getting ready,” Jisung mutters, unamused by everything going around him. His eyes don’t even stay on Miyeon, instead looking around the place.

 

Bad luck, Miyeon.

 

“Well, he looks good!” Miyeon says, smacking her red lips together loudly before laughing again. “You too, of course, Jisung oppa.” She says, trying to get his attention again. How fake can a girl be?

 

“Doesn’t he look good, Minho oppa? Just look at him,” Miyeon says then, her hands wrapping around Jisung’s arm, but eyes never leaving Minho’s. The fake smile is on again, but her eyes are warning as they lock with Minho’s.

 

_This bitch is really not backing down, huh._

 

“Sure, he looks good, very hot even.” Minho says, not interested in whatever Miyeon is trying to do. In the last years he has clearly had enough of her bullshit.

 

But when he catches Jisung’s eye, the younger looks flattered, even embarrassed a little at the sudden praise from Minho. It makes Minho’s heart beat a little faster in his chest, and he has to be extra careful not to let it affect his appearance. For example, if he even dared to blush right now, Miyeon would probably poison him or some shit.

 

You never really know with this girl.

 

It’s like on cue that Miyeon untangles herself from Jisung and reaches for Minho instead. All probably because she hadn’t liked the look in Jisung’s eyes, directed at Minho and not her. “Let’s go get a drink, it’s time we learn a thing or two about each other, don’t you think?” She flutters her eyelashes together, not even letting Minho say a word before she pulls him away.

 

_Fuck._

 

And there goes Jisung’s _I won’t leave you alone_ , just like that. So easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do u guys think will happen at the party im rly curious!! im sure no one will guess what will happen but Pls Do Try reading comments and questions in my cc box makes me excited n happy n MOTIVATED :')


	10. Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not so happy with this chapter but.. atleast its a tad bit longer than usually  
> TW!!!!!! homophobia & violence

“You might be wondering why I’m here trying to talk to… Well, you.” Miyeon raises one of her eyebrows, before she smirks a little. Minho doesn’t let it affect him, a tight grip on the beer in his hands as he locks eyes with Miyeon, not letting any emotion show. 

 

In the past years Minho’s learned how to annoy Miyeon too, it’s a two-sided fight. Like a cat and dog.

 

“No, doesn’t really interest me at all.” Minho says, before taking a small sip from his drink. Disgusting. 

 

He’s really not used to the taste of alcohol, sue him for being a well-behaved teenager.

 

Miyeon smiles at that, though, and turns around in the kitchen as she makes her way towards the table full of bottles of alcohol, her long hair braided on one side. The hairstyle looks perfect and Minho feels a little jealous, thinking about how her good looks got her Jisung. “I’ll mix you something good, you just wait until you taste this,” She says, and Minho barely hears her sickly sweet voice over the loud music. 

 

Here she comes with the poison, trying to kill Minho.

 

Minho has hardly any time to empty his mind from all the unsettling thoughts before Miyeon’s standing in front of him again, pushing a cup into his hands.

 

“Try it,” She forces, a tight smile on. “It will make you loosen up, I promise.” 

 

Minho knows he shouldn’t accept anything from this girl and he knows Miyeon can surely tell he doesn’t trust her either. “Do you really think I would do something to harm my, well,  _ brother-in-law _ ?” It doesn’t really sound like a question, but rather a statement. Her cheeks turn rosy in the dim lighting and Minho almost chokes on air when he realises Miyeon isn’t joking about this.

 

Minho drowns the drink in one go. It only burns a little bit.

 

“I hope we can leave the past behind us, Minho oppa. I mean you’re almost like a brother to Jisung oppa and I know it’s what he would want.”  _ Shut up shut up shut up. _

 

“And considering he doesn’t have any other siblings, it’s really important that we two get along.” Like a punch to the gut. If Minho could let his dramatic side out right now, he would fall to the ground while gasping for air, eyes shining with unshed tears.

 

But Minho smiles, nods even a little at the girl in front of him. Even though all his mind has been repeating for the past minute is  _ brother brother brother brother brother brother- _

 

Like a mantra.

 

But they’re not brothers.

 

Minho didn’t fall for his own brother. 

 

“Can you make me another one of these?” Minho says much to his own surprise, shaking the empty cup in Miyeon’s face, his already blurred out vision making him miss the suspicious smile that spreads across Miyeon’s face.

 

“Sure.” 

  
  
  
  
  


Minho’s leaning his whole body weight against the wall, his eyes drooped close as he hums to the familiar pop song. He doesn’t know how he ended up next to the dance floor, dance corner or whatever teenagers call it these days, but he knows he’s ready to show off some real moves. 

 

He just needs to rest for a second. Just a small second. 

 

A heavy hand rests on his shoulder and Minho’s eyes would fly open if it weren’t for the alcohol in his veins making him somehow so much slower than usual. 

 

“Minho hyung, where have you been?” Jisung asks over the loud music, even leaning a little bit closer. He looks good and he smells good and Minho’s trying so hard not to say anything but again, he wants to blame the alcohol because it’s so damn fucking hard to stay quiet.

 

“Were you worried?” Minho feels himself slur the question out, the hand on his shoulder burning his skin.  _ You didn’t seem so worried when Miyeon literally dragged me away from you. _

 

“Of course I was, you dumbass.” He says, no bite to his words and Minho feels even dizzier, if it’s somehow possible. 

 

Jisung locks eyes with him and Minho tries so hard to not fall into them. His beautiful Jisung, standing right in his reach, looking at him like that.

 

“Well, you don’t- don’t have to.” Minho says, standing up straighter and making Jisung’s hand fall down. He misses the body heat already. “I’m not your fucking-”

 

“My fucking what, Minho hyung?” Jisung cuts between, his eyes finding Minho’s so quickly, even if Minho tries really hard to avoid any eye contact, and the serious look he gives Minho makes a shiver run down his spine. The effect the younger has on him is mind-blowing.

 

It’s then that Minho realises Jisung probably already knows. Jisung might have overheard them  _ or  _ the whole conversation with Miyeon might have been Jisung’s own idea, Minho doesn’t know and frankly doesn’t care which one of these options it is. Because either way it hurts just the same. 

 

“Leave me alone, you don’t have to look after me,” Minho pushes Jisung further away and turns away from him, “I’m my own family, I can take care of myself.” 

 

He heads straight to the crowd, not looking back once.

  
  
  
  
  


Minho’s never been in a more crowded place as the sweaty bodies dance and jump around him, trying to suffocate him. He would probably be dead by now if it weren’t for the alcohol bumping in his veins, keeping him alive and making him follow the others around him. 

 

He feels himself letting loose, his body becoming one with the other drunk kids around him, probably just as fucked as him.

 

He tries not to think about how he hurt Jisung and how Jisung hurt him and how they’ve been doing this for years, even centuries, without giving each other a break. His thoughts really don’t go well with the hype music that’s blasting loudly, and so he pushes them far away, just like he pushed Jisung away.

 

He thinks his mind is playing tricks with him when a pretty girl from a class younger, with long legs and a skinny waist and really  _ really _ long hair that somehow shines under the light starts giving Minho more attention than the other guys around her, her arms circling around Minho’s neck as they sway together, super close to each other. Minho doesn’t really say anything to her, finding no harm in this as it seems just like casual dancing.

 

But when she turns around in his arms and starts grinding her ass against his crotch, Minho feels disgusted with himself. Suddenly, he feels like the jeans he’s wearing are too tight and he can’t breathe properly in this outfit.

 

“I don’t-I don’t wanna-” Minho leans over her shoulder, trying to talk to the attractive girl. If only someone turned the music down.

 

“You don’t wanna do it here?” The girl laughs, her unfocused eyes locking with Minho’s. She has pretty eyes, but they could never compare with Jisung’s. “Let’s go upstairs then.”

 

“N-No, I mean, I’m not-” Why is talking so incredibly hard? “I’m not really i-into you.” 

 

The girl stops dancing instantly, facing Minho again but now with a forced smile on her lips. “Well, you think I’m ugly?”

 

“No, no, I mean-”

 

“Because I’m the best you can get, let me tell you that.” She furiously rambles, and Minho wants to run for his life as she looks into her disappointed and annoyed face. 

 

“It’s not about you.” He wants to apologise but he doesn’t even know the girl’s name. He shouldn’t really care.

 

“You already have a girlfriend? Because baby I don’t care about that, trust me she will never find out.” She says then, the real smile returning to her face. Her eyes look hopeful again and Minho realises she’s not okay. Really not okay. And Minho can’t listen to this anymore. “I’ve seen you around in school, but you have never looked this good before, oppa. Let me make you feel good, I promise I’m better than your girl-”

 

Word vomit.

 

And Minho’s far too gone to stop it now. 

 

“I’m gay.” Minho feels like the whole world just went quiet as he blurts the words out. Eveything stops, his heartbeat stops and the words echo everywhere around him. Did he really just come out to a stranger?

 

The said stranger takes a quick step back, her eyes looking like they’re about to pop out of her head. “You’re what? What the fuck?”

 

She looks like she wants to scream and for once Minho’s glad for the loud music. “You let me do that shit to you while knowing damn well you’re-you’re, well, you know damn well what you are! You’re fucking sick dude.” She turns around and storms away, somehow easily finding a way out from the crowd. 

 

Minho doesn’t realise the consequences his words will have as he pushes himself past the kids dancing, far away from the mess. He needs to breathe, to take a second and close his eyes. Maybe act like this never happened.

 

He finds the balcony, and considering how the house was fully-packed inside, the place is weirdly empty. But maybe it’s finally Minho’s luck turning, because that’s what he wants and needs right now. A place where he can be alone and sober up as quickly as possible.

 

He stumbles a little when he tries to stand up straight, so he leans against the wall, the fresh air working wonders. He lets his eyes close slowly and deeply breathes in the cold air, trying to keep himself from having a panic attack. 

 

Minho prays the girl doesn’t say a word about his sexuality. The fact that he’s gay.

 

He’s gay he’s gay he’s  _ gay- _

 

But maybe Minho should’ve taken church more seriously, because this is definitely God’s payback. A group of boys Minho barely recognises from school suddenly opening the balcony door with a loud bang, like they had been looking for Minho.

 

“Heard there’s a fucking faggot here,” One of them spits, and Minho realises it’s one of the guys Jisung hangs out with. 

 

Jisung.

 

“You really dare come here, huh.” He steps even closer, cornering Minho. His face shows no emotion, but he’s angry, Minho knows. Maybe Minho would feel more confident right now if he were taller. And weren’t completely alone. “And touch our girls with your dirty, dirty motherfucking hands.”

 

Minho wants to run, but the damned alcohol in his system has made him weak.

 

A little voice in his head tells him he has always been weak.

 

“I didn’t do anything to her.” Minho whispers, his voice barely audible in the dark. He wishes he hadn’t said anything though, because his voice seems to trigger the other.

 

“Don’t fucking talk to me, you fag.” He says, before Minho feels the guy’s fist connect with his face. To be more exact, nose. Minho’s eyes close instantly and he falls to his knees, grabbing his face and already feeling the warm liquid run down his chin. He’s bleeding, of course. 

 

Atleast he doesn’t feel any pain. Yet.

 

“It’s that Changbin’s impact, huh?” One of them asks and Minho feels his blood boil. “He put some gay spell on you, didn’t he.”

 

The group of people laugh at him and Minho wishes the ground would swallow him because even at a moment like this, where he’s torn between collapsing and fighting back for Changbin, his mind goes back to thinking about Jisung.

 

How Jisung took care of him when his nose started bleeding after the nightmare. How he always helps him after those terrible sessions, even if he’s tired and really doesn’t have to. His Jisung. So kind and caring and helpful-

 

But Jisung will never speak to him again after this, he knows.

 

If only he had stayed home.

 

“Just let me leave, please.” Minho learns how to speak again, even if he doesn’t dare to open his eyes. It takes too much energy and he would probably end up crying. He hears the guys around him laugh again, and realises there’s even more people standing outside.

 

But of course no one’s helping him.

 

“Why would I do that?” Another kick at him, but this time he receives the punch in his lower stomach. Some screams, whistling and yelling, and Minho’s vision blurs out completely as he tastes blood. 

 

He loses count of the punches he receives and realises he doesn’t even care anymore.

 

He feels like he has died already.

 

“What the fuck is going on here?” Someone yells and Minho only registers the sentence in his head because he knows the voice, knows the person. “Get the fuck away from him.”

 

Minho feels hands resting on his back as he stays kneeling on the ground, eyelids too heavy to even open them. Everything has started to hurt and the cold wind touching his scars doesn’t make it better, but somehow Jisung’s warm touch makes it more bearable. Jisung’s touch always works wonders.

 

“You’re really stepping out for a faggot now?” Someone barks, but Jisung seems to ignore them, because there’s no answer coming from him. 

 

It’s when Minho feels another pair of hands touching him, softly grabbing at him that he moans in pain. 

 

“Hyung, hyung are you okay?” Jisung whispers close to him and to Minho he sounds furious. “Oh, don’t you fucking touch him,” He hears Jisung yell over him and Minho has honestly never heard him this angry. The other pair of hands let go of him and Minho hears shuffling over him. 

 

“Jisung, he’s my cousin, let him help.” Another voice. Minho doesn’t recognise it anymore, though.

 

“He could be the president for all I care, but he’s not touching Minho hyung.” 

 

“Jisung, Woojin hyung could really help!” Minho notices how desperate and scared the stranger sounds, he ends up feeling bad for the guy. Minho must be the first person he’s seen getting beat up. 

 

“Unless you have a car, I don’t see a way you could be helpful.” 

 

“I do! I do have a car! Let me drive you guys somewhere far from here.” Another stranger says, with a deeper voice, before Minho finally feels himself giving him, feeling safer knowing Jisung is by his side. He blacks out and hits the ground, no strength in his body left.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now that this is out of the way (yes im sorry none of yall saw this shit coming and im posting this on stray kids' anniversary i hate myself too) u might be wondering where ive been for almost 2 months :-) yes i left twitter to get my shit together but now i just fell behind with kpop and anime and everything tbh but im working on it bc STRAY KIDS CAME BACK AND THATS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING AND DID YALL HEAR HOW HARD THE BEAT GOES IN VICTORY SONG LETS DISCUSS IN THE COMMENTS BELOW and also im very sorry u had to wait for so long! i turned 18 like three weeks ago and my lifes been a rollercoaster ever since (tbh even before that) but i never wanna leave u guys nor stray kids nor minsung bc this is my safe place and stray kids give me so much support so i promise to be back better than ever. i love you thank you for supporting this fic! 
> 
> hope i didnt disappoint u too much


	11. Make It Right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw! homophobia

Minho’s pretty sure he has finally died and is now burning in hell. That’s the only logical answer to the pain his body is currently suffering in. His stomach, his head, his knees, his everything. It all aches as he uses the little energy he somehow has left in his body and stretches. Atleast tries to stretch until he realises something- to be exact, somebody, is draped over his midsection.

 

He opens his eyes slowly and doesn’t believe the sight he sees when he realises that it’s Han Jisung, kneeling on the floor next to the couch Minho’s currently lying on, his arm safely holding Minho in place. Jisung’s cheek is pressed against Minho’s thigh and it’s impossible not to hear the way Jisung puffs quietly as he breathes in and out.

 

He looks restless and tired and Minho’s heart hurts at the realisation that Jisung must’ve fallen asleep like this on the floor already a couple of hours ago, his legs cramped.

 

The sight of Jisung works wonders, though, as Minho completely forgets about the pain that’s swimming around inside of his body, even in the tips of his limbs, and lets his mind wander back to the events that had happened just mere hours ago.

 

The party. The alcohol. Miyeon. Jisung, standing close to him in the dark. Coming out.

 

He doesn’t want to panic, but it’s not really something you can control, right? It’s like he feels trapped in his own body, quite literally as Jisung has decided to keep him stuck in place, not letting him move, and he doesn’t want to think about what this body is gonna go through now that everyone knows his secret.

 

And if everyone really does know about his little secret, is it possible that Jisung still doesn’t? There’s no other explanation to why he’s still here, next to Minho, his touch making Minho’s skin burn and spiders crawl underneath.

 

“Good morning, do you want me to free you from Jisung’s grasp or are you enjoying this?” Minho almost breaks his neck as he turns to face Changbin, standing in the doorway of his living room. He’s dressed in his usual all black outfit, his hood pulled up. Changbin loses his smirk the minute their eyes connect, and Minho takes it as a bad sign.

 

“How did we get here? And why are you looking at me like this? Do I look _that_ bad? And why on earth is Jisung here? Is he okay or he is going through memory loss?”

 

Changbin walks closer to the two as he lets Minho ramble on and on, his pitiful eyes never leaving Minho’s. “I brought you painkillers. You should take some.” Changbin says, stopping right in front of the couch.

 

“Did you not hear what I just said? Why is _he_ here?” Minho tilts his head towards Jisung. He doesn’t want to raise his voice, but the memories from yesterday are bubbling in stomach and it’s hard to keep them in.

 

“Min, Jisung brought you here. He has been here taking care of you the whole time. Didn’t even let Woojin hyung treat your injuries, said he can take perfect care of you on his own.”

 

“Woojin hyung?” Minho asks, no familiar faces ringing a bell in his head.

 

“Seungmin’s older cousin,” Changbin says, like it’s the most obvious thing and Minho’s stupid for not knowing it.

 

“And Seungmin is…?” Minho feels his head getting dizzy again. It’s like he’s the one going through memory loss.

 

But Changbin just laughs a little, even if it doesn’t sound sincere at all and the older should already be better at hiding his true emotions when needed around Minho because quite frankly, the younger can read Changbin like an open book. And vice versa, of course.

 

“Seungmin is Jisung’s classmate, remember? They were a big help to us yesterday.”

 

“Okay but why are you laughing like that? Can you like, not be sad or upset or disappointed right now? It’s making me fucking anxious.” Minho says, furrowing his eyebrows.

 

“I’m not laughing.” Changbin says, taking a step towards the living room table. “I think Jisung’s waking up though, so.. I’ll go and make you guys some breakfast. I’m sure, he-he has a lot to say to you. Just don’t forget your meds.”

 

And Changbin’s right, Jisung is awake. His brown eyes are staring right at Minho’s, and his cheek is still crushed against Minho’s thigh. It’s cute and Minho would love to stare at him like this endlessly but he just can’t keep his mouth shut. “Good morning.”

 

Jisung doesn’t seem embarrassed when he pulls further away, his arm finally freeing Minho from his embrace. “Don’t good morning me, I’m so mad at you. I can’t even tell you how mad I am at you right now. But first, please take those painkillers. Looking at your bruises physically hurts me.” Jisung says, getting up and shaking his limbs while doing so. He brings the medication over to Minho and lets the older finally sit up straight before pushing the painkillers in his hands. “You take those without water, right?”

 

“Yeah,” Minho mumbles, repeating everything that Jisung had just said in his head. _He’s mad._ Jisung doesn’t even turn away, he just stares at Minho as he waits for the older to swallow the painkillers. The taste is disgusting, but familiar.

 

“Why would you do something like that?” He doesn’t even blink.

 

“W-What do you mean?” Minho looks at the younger standing right in front of him, his face just as expressionless as usually. Minho hates it, he really does.

 

_Why would you come out? Why would you ruin our life? Why would you tell everyone?_

 

_Why do you have to be a freak?_

 

“Why would you put yourself in danger like that? Why didn’t you look for me? And for fucks sake, why did you have to get drunk when it was literally our first party together?” Jisung almost yells at Minho, but Minho isn’t upset. The words almost calm him down, because Jisung was actually worried about him and it’s possible he doesn’t hate Minho for being gay and-

 

“Why did you hide this from us for so long?” Jisung whispers, and Minho watches how Jisung’s eyes fill with tears, the younger trying his hardest to keep himself from sobbing out loud. Minho wants to reach out and touch him so badly, so damn badly, but he can’t. Jisung wouldn’t want this, especially after all of this.

 

“Jisung, I’m sorry.”

 

“I don’t think you are.” Jisung blinks away his tears, but the hurt in his eyes doesn’t leave. “You were gonna hide this until you left for college and forgot about us, right? Until you were free from us?”

 

“Jisung, please-” Minho tries to stand up, but Jisung pushes him down again. But when Jisung tries to pull his hands away from Minho’s shoulders, Minho grabs them and holds them in place. It’s a weird angle to look at someone, but he doesn’t care. His words need to get through Jisung’s skull.

 

“Please don’t say that. You _can’t_ say that when you don’t even understand what I’ve had to go through every day.”

 

“Oh, yes, because you, Lee Minho, are the only person who has had a tough life. Of course.” Jisung barks, but he doesn’t try to pull his hands away from Minho. His palms feel warm against Minho’s skin.

 

“That’s not what I meant, Jisung, and you know that. You’re just mad at me and won’t even try to understand.”

 

“So what you’re trying to say right now is that having this conversation is pointless because I don’t understand shit?” Minho feels Jisung’s legs shake from where he’s standing. He hadn’t even realised the younger was so close to him, Jisung’s legs between his open thighs.

 

“No, Jisung, come on. Tell me, are you okay? Do you need to sit down?” Minho’s worry washes over him like waves. He squeezes Jisung’s hands that are still resting on his shoulders, letting himself overthink. When was the last time this boy ate? Drank water?

 

Jisung doesn’t say anything, just nods sightly, and Minho feels him calm down.

 

“I appreciate everything you did for me, I guess I’d be still lying there if it weren’t for you. And I’m glad you didn’t leave me just because I-I’m, you know, gay. But Jisung please don’t make this about you and your family. You don’t know how afraid I was. I still am.” Minho says, letting his eyes rest on Jisung’s pale face. He knows he looks hideous right now and he shouldn’t want the younger to stare at him, but he still feels _special_ when Jisung doesn’t break the eyecontact.

 

“I think mom’s coming home today, so I should go, clean up the place and stuff.” Jisung pulls away, taking all the warmth with him. “Call Woojin hyung for a ride home, I mean, If you think you wanna come back today.” He turns around and doesn’t look back, but Minho isn’t surprised.

 

He’s also not surprised by his lack of words. Even if all he wants to do is to run after the younger, he won’t. He can’t. Because this isn’t a movie. This isn’t the turning point in the storyline, where the protagonist realises he has loved the other all of this time and would rather be with them than worry about anything else.

 

He hears muffled goodbyes passed between Jisung and Changbin, and then the opening and closing of Changbin’s front door.

 

Lee Minho never cries. Lee Minho always hides his true feelings until he suddenly can’t do it anymore and breaks down.

  
  
  


Woojin picks him up an hour later, when Minho has eaten some breakfast, much to his own liking, and swallowed some more painkillers. Before Changbin hugged him goodbye, he told him to stay away from mirrors because he doesn’t want Minho to have another breakdown. Even if the last thing he cares about right now is his appearance.

 

“How are you feeling, Minho?” The older asks him, and Minho instantly finds comfort in his voice. He does feel awkward at first, realising he has never talked to this boy, _man_ before, but it’s like his mind and heart aren’t cooperating, because he can feel a word vomit coming.

 

“My body hurts, I’ve only slept for a couple of hours and I already had a breakdown even if it’s only 10 in the morning. And I think Jisung hates me. And no, it’s not because of my sexuality. But because I’m a giant dick who hurts everyone around him.” Minho says, pretending to look out of the side window as he waits for Woojin to say something, breathing heavily.

 

Minho should’ve stayed quiet, but he feels somehow safe here. Like Woojin won’t judge him even if he says something incredibly stupid.

 

“He doesn’t hate you Minho, you should know he got very angry yesterday if Seungmin and I even dared to look at you. Which is stupid, because all we wanted to do was help, but he really went into this crazy protective mode.” Woojin sighs a little, his eyes stuck on the road. His presence itself calms Minho down, somehow and Minho knows he must be an amazing cousin, feeling a sting of jealousy at the thought. Why can’t Minho have someone like him?

 

“Atleast he has _some_ brains. I mean, he texted me your address so I could pick you up and drop you off at home. He didn’t want you to wander around in the city alone right now.”

 

“Jisung texted you?” Minho feels a little surprised. “So he still cares about my-my..” _wellbeing?_ Minho wants to ask, but the words get stuck in his throat.

 

“Of course he cares about you.” Woojin looks at Minho for a split second, his brown eyes welcoming and warm. “Seungmin only told me a little about your relationship, so yeah, It’s not like I’ve known you for years, but I can tell Jisung really cares about his hyung. Your feelings and wellbeing.”

 

Minho doesn’t say anything for a while, letting his mind run through everything Woojin just said. He really wants to believe it, but he knows Jisung. He knows whatever Jisung went through last night because of Minho will leave a big scar between the two. It was a stressful night for all of them involved, and Minho feels incredibly shitty because of that.

 

If Woojin was expecting a reply, he doesn’t atleast mention on it and let’s Minho sit in silence. Until they take a final turn and Minho sees the familiar house in the distance. His home.

 

“This should be the place, right? Seungmin said the house is white and adorable, so I’m guessing this is it.” Woojin says, stopping the car right in front of the Han’s household. Woojin looks at him with a small smile on his lips, and Minho really contemplates saying something deep and meaningful, like “isn’t it crazy how we didn’t even know each other 24 hours ago but now you’ve saved me twice”, but chooses against it. Minho is a man of few words.

 

“Thank you.” He says instead, stepping out of the car and giving a tiny nod in Woojin’s direction before he closes the door. Woojin waves at him and waits until he gets inside, even staying for as long as it takes for Minho to close the front door. Maybe it’s because Minho was beat up yesterday and now the older is just slightly worried, or maybe the Kim cousins really do care about him. Either way, Minho feels a little bit better than he usually would after having a fight with Jisung and so he makes a mental note to treat the Kim cousins out for something tasty once his face isn’t so bruised.

 

Minho hears Jisung basically run down the stairs when he hears Minho come home, and the look on his face is so sweetly surprised that Minho almost expects the younger to hug him and say he’s glad to have Minho here again. But the look only lasts for a couple of seconds, until Jisung takes in the dark circles under Minho’s eyes and bruises on his neck and bare arms.

 

“What are you gonna tell mom? You’re not gonna tell her the truth about where those bruises came from, are you?”  _You obviously can't and will never tell her the truth about your sexuality._

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so.. im not even gonna apologise for being gone for a month again and act like this chapter isnt full garbage. the truth is my dog died and she wasnt even two years old and it killed me and also this chapter had to be full angst and its so bad but i need to get it out before we can progress further bc its an important part of the story.. i miss u guys and minsung and this story and i just wanna fkn write a good story. im sorry i love you guys  
> hope the spring months treat you well!


	12. Tear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw?? mentions of death and uhhh graveyards idk????? and typos this is not proofread im sorry

Minho easily falls back into a routine after spring break, from home to school to back home again. Sometimes he still meets up with Changbin, but with college getting closer the older has started to pick up more shifts to earn more money and so most of the time Minho just accompanies the older at the cafe he works at. 

 

The thought of running away with Changbin, starting a new life and spending his time studying dance again is the only thing that still keeps him going. Even when school days are like living hell for him and at this point Minho’s pretty sure there’s not a single soul here who hasn’t heard about his sexuality.

 

He’s still anxiously waiting for Mrs. Han to say something. He knows she must’ve heard about it too. Everytime Minho walks around the Han’s household, he feels like he’s stepping on glass, waiting for it to break under him.

 

Being tossed around and teased by his schoolmates for years, Minho doesn’t really pay that much attention to the snarling and ugly remarks being thrown his way every time he walks through the school halls. It’s only the word faggot that seriously stops his heart for a whole minute and makes him want to vomit, but as time passes by, he stops noticing it too. 

 

He feels emotionless, tired, broken, like an old toy that no one cares about. The only time he truly smiles is with Changbin, and he knows it’s not healthy nor good but there’s nothing he can do. It’s too late for Minho to start again in this town. He just needs to survive until he can finally leave for good.

 

He’s made up his mind.

 

Wanting to stay here for Jisung was a crazy and reckless idea, just a stupid feeling he had. Jisung will feel better once Minho leaves, he’s sure about it. Mrs. Han and Jisung have done nothing wrong and they don’t deserve to be around his miserable, unlucky ass. They deserve to be happy. Free.

 

The more he thinks about it, the more he feels like he doesn’t deserve to be in this car right now, breathing the same precious air as Mrs. Han and Jisung. He should get out, stop wasting their air, stop being in their way. He’s never been good at reading his own emotions, but right now he feels like a knife is scratching the inside of his throat and he’s gonna cry. He’s gonna sob so loud if he doesn’t run away right now. Away from his thoughts and this place and Han Jisung who’s currently pressing his thigh against Minho’s and looking at him with full concern in his eyes.

 

He’s never seen Minho cry and he never will.

 

“Are you okay?” Jisung whispers, probably trying not to catch Mrs. Han’s attention. She would worry too much. 

 

“Yeah,” Minho says, blinking away the tears. Jisung’s skin is hot against his and it somehow calms him down, even if the thought of the younger seeing him cry had his heart beating out of his chest just a second ago. Minho really wants to hide everything from Jisung.

 

He’s calm. He’s okay. But he hates himself for letting Jisung control his emotions. He’s weak. He will never be okay.

 

“We’re here.” Mrs. Han finally chirps from the driver’s seat as she parks their car close to the church and Minho basically falls out of the car as he rushes to open the door. One more minute in that car and his thoughts would have suffocated him. And maybe Jisung’s body heat too.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Minho walks behind Mrs. Han and Jisung as the two greet their neighbours and friends, all walking the same path to the only church in this town, gathering all the people Minho dislikes or really doesn’t care about. It’s only Minho’s luck that his parents’ death anniversary fell on the same day as sunday church service. 

 

No one seems to think about it yet, maybe they don’t even remember right now, but Minho knows his parents death will be mentioned in today’s speech and it’s gonna crush another piece of Minho’s soul. Like for the past seven years it has. Every single spring.

 

They go to the last aisle and Minho lets Mrs. Han and Jisung sit down first before he takes the last place, ready to run out of here the minute they’re done talking about God. And Minho’s parents. He’s like a ticking time-bomb, knowing it’s only gonna get worse as time goes on. Thankfully Jisung nor his mother notice anything, or even if they do, they don’t mention it. 

 

There’s not much they could say anyway. It’s not like they can just fix this with some meaningless sentences. 

 

Minho just quietly listens to the priest, lets all the words go in from one ear and out from the other. He waits and waits and waits, waits for this to finally be over so he can go and see his parents graves. Be alone with them.

 

He’s so engrossed in his thoughts, he doesn’t even notice the priest talking about his parents, saying how it’s already been 8 years since that tragical night until Jisung looks at him and slightly nudges him. He motions Minho to look down, bow, for the moment of silence. Minho follows him, but he can’t keep his eyes from looking around. 

 

Minho watches as everyone lowers their heads for  _ his  _ father,  _ his  _ mother, mourning them. It’s unbelievable. He watches all the happy kids sitting next to their parents. He watches the priest from the corner of his eye and can’t help but think if God really cares about his people, why did he make Minho suffer so much? Some lessons we really only learn through pain, but this is too much pain for anyone to handle. And Minho doesn’t even get the lesson he’s supposed to learn through this. Trust no one?

  
  
  
  
  
  


“I-I’m gonna go for a walk.” Minho motions to the back of the church. “You can go home without me, if that’s okay.”

 

“Oh, honey, are you sure?” Mrs. Han asks, her warm hands holding Minho by his shoulders. She’s worried and Minho hates it. He never lets her worry. But lately, with the shit that’s been going on, Minho’s walls have started to crumble down and you really can’t blame him. 

 

“Yeah, I’m sure. Don’t worry.” Minho says, taking a step back. He misses the warmth of Mrs. Han, but one more second here and he might do something stupid. Something he would regret later. 

 

Like breaking down in tears. 

 

“What if Jisung comes with you?” She says, but Minho’s already out of their reach and so he decides not to say anything as he pushes past a couple of people walking by. Minho knows Jisung won’t follow him. He lets himself think he knows Jisung atleast that much.

  
  
  
  
  


The graveyard is beautiful like always. It’s clean and taken care of, and the peaceful sight itself brings back so many memories. Good and bad - Minho has spent a lot of his time here. That’s why he didn’t even have to think, his legs were moving on his own. 

 

But he knows today, out of all the days he’s been here, is different. He doesn’t sit on the white bench by his parents grave nor does he just stand there. He feels his legs collapse underneath him the minute he sees the familiar place and he just falls down on the ground without much thinking. He’s tired, he’s so incredibly tired and his life really has hit rock bottom. 

 

Minho doesn’t know what to do as he stares at the ground where his parents are supposed to be. 

 

He doesn’t blame anyone, it’s really no one’s fault that he has no parents, but he can’t help but think why him out of all the people? Most of the people here in this horrible town have their parents, their own home, but it just had to be Lee Minho who lost his.

 

It’s shitty and crappy and Minho finally feels sorry for himself. He feels all the cries he has never left out in the pit of his stomach, in the back of his throat. It stings. He knows he’s crying, oh, he’s crying so loud but he doesn’t care.

 

Lee Minho never cries. 

 

What a bullshit. 

 

“Minho hyung?” A warm hand rests on his shoulder and Minho jumps back a little, he hadn’t heard anyone coming. Well, he hadn’t really been paying attention anyway. 

 

Minho looks up to the owner of the voice and at first doesn’t believe his eyes. 

 

Because looking right back at him is Han Jisung. Han Jisung with his beautiful eyes filled with concern and confusion. He has never seen Minho cry before. 

 

“You shouldn’t be here.” Minho tries to wipe his tears away but he knows his face is bloated and his cheeks are red and there’s just no way hiding this from Jisung. There’s no way Jisung won’t think differently of him now.  _ Fuck _

 

“Minho hyung, it’s okay.” Jisung leans closer to Minho, his other hand gently lifting Minho’s chin. His touch is warm and  _ so so  _ caring. “Please don’t cry anymore.”

 

Truth be told, as Minho stares into Jisung’s brown eyes, looks at the curve of his small nose and plump lips, the last thing he wants to do is cry. So maybe love does really work wonders, considering how he had been crying his soul out just a minute ago, but now he feels nothing and everything at the same time. It’s overwhelming.

 

Jisung is overwhelming.

 

And he’s too fucking close.

 

At the end, Minho isn’t sure about who closes the gap between them, but it doesn’t really matter anyway. They kiss slowly and gently, there’s feelings and passion and so much hurt hidden in it and Minho loves every second of it. He loves how Jisung almost whimpers out loud and how shy and careful he is. 

 

The Jisung kissing him right now is a completely different person from the Jisung Minho is used to.

 

And Minho knows better not to get used to this.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO im here with a random weekday update pls dont mind me. weekends are even busier but i wanna WRITEEE so here it is hehe, hope ur not too disappointed. after that minsung insta post ive felt so much for them (again) and i need to scream with u guys so <3 thank u for still reading this story and commenting it means so incredibly much. i hope u guys love stray kids forever ok im sentimental
> 
>  
> 
> everything minho said abt his parents isnt also made up this is exactly what ive thought abt my dad and im not trying to be disrespectful or wish bad for anyone with a healthy family. sometimes a girl just wonders why it had to be her dad out of all the people alive but thats also okay :)


	13. Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wont say a damn thing

Minho tries his hardest to take a nap, to just finally let his mind rest for a bit, but it’s impossible. He didn’t expect his life to get so messy after just one, one very confusing kiss with Jisung, but it did. Even if he hadn’t seen the said boy for hours, having been lying on his bed ever since they came back from the graveyard. Jisung had left without saying a word. 

 

Minho wasn’t worried.

 

It’s quiet downstairs too, only the faint sound of Mrs. Han typing away something on her laptop. Minho feels guilty as he listens to her work on a Sunday evening, having done nothing himself for the whole day. Unless you count moping around as an activity. 

 

It’s been a few hours since he and Jisung came back home, hand in hand. Jisung had been the one who grabbed his hand first, so of course Minho had accepted the gesture. Jisung’s fingers laced with his had been very comforting and warm and probably what got him through today’s panic attack. He swears his palms still tingle from the touch. 

 

But now Jisung is gone, and even if they hadn’t talked much on their way home, Minho feels like it got so much more quiet when he left. He let his fingers touch his lips again, let them ghost over so subtly, remembering how it felt to have the younger’s sweet lips against his. 

 

He misses the feeling already. 

 

Minho’s thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a incoming call and he startles a little, his hand flying from his lips to his stomach with a loud smack. He feels like he just got caught, even though there’s no one here. He reaches for his phone that’s resting on the window sill and takes a double take when he realises it’s an unknown number calling him. 

 

Minho never gets calls from unknown numbers. 

 

He half expects it to be Changbin hyung, calling from the phone at his workplace.

 

“Yeah?” Minho asks, his voice barely audible. His throat feels dry from the lack of talking. 

 

_ “Minho hyung? It’s Seungmin. I’m Jisung’s classmate.”  _ A familiar voice says, and Minho sits up with surprise. He hadn’t heard from the younger ever since that  _ one _ party. 

 

“I know who you are.” Minho replies, a hint of worry in his voice. “Why are you calling me? Did something happen to Jisung?”

 

_ “Oh no, everything’s fine. Um-”  _ Seungmin sounds a little anxious as he stops in the middle of the sentence and Minho wonders why. It’s not like Minho’s scary, right?  _ “Woojin hyung gave me your number. We’re together right now.”  _

 

Minho smiles when the warm image of Woojin pops up in his head. “Oh, tell him I said hi. What are you two up to?”

 

_ “It’s hyung’s last day here before he has to leave for college again and so we thought why not go and just drive around for a bit, maybe find an old diner and eat something good. I know today’s a hard day for you, but we think you should come with us.”  _ Seungmin rambles, and Minho realises he’s smiling already at the thought of hanging out with the two cousins.  _ “We’re actually outside your house.” _

 

“Wait, what?” Minho rushes up and looks out of the window, noticing the familiar car in his drive-through. Seungmin giggles into the phone and Minho sees the two boys wave at him from the car. 

 

_ “You in?” _

  
  
  
  
  
  


Minho’s quite content as he sits in the back of Woojin’s van, listening to the two cousins argue in the front seat about some movie. He’s not really paying them that much attention, his eyes focused on the road. Driving through a forest always calms him down. 

 

“I’m just saying! Captain America turning into that old man in the end of the movie really ruined it for me.” Seungmin says, crossing his arms on his chest as he pouts at the older in the driver’s seat. 

 

“Why don’t you want him to be happy? He finally got to be with the girl of his dreams. That’s better than being a superhero, if you ask me.” Woojin says, his hands steadily holding onto the wheel.

 

“Ha!” Seungmin lets out a snort. “Well, no one asked you.” 

 

“Seungminnie.” Woojin says, giving the younger a quick glance. 

 

“Okay, I’m sorry.” Seungmin apologizes, heat rising to his cheeks. He must be really into the movie to get so heated over this. Seungmin turns around in his seat, giving Minho a hopeful look. “What do you think, Minho? Would you rather be a superhero or find true love?” 

 

“Oh,” Minho breathes out loudly, turning away from Seungmin’s piercing gaze. It’s like the younger wants to steal his soul. “I-I’m not sure I can say much about this. I haven’t seen any of the Marvel movies.” 

 

“You’re kidding?” Both of the boys ask at the same time, making them all laugh. 

 

“I’m more into horror movies. And romance.” Minho says, shrugging. At the back of his mind, he remembers the time he watched a horror movie with Jisung. And how the younger had been almost stuck to his side because he was so scared. Minho feels like it’s been years since that night. 

 

“That’s literally what Marvel movies are about.” Seungmin says, turning away from Minho again. “Right, hyung?”

 

“No, not really.” Woojin smiles and looks at Minho from the rear-view mirror. His brown eyes are as welcoming as ever. “Seungmin, you need to stop guilt tripping people into watching Avengers. It’s not cool.” 

 

“Stop scolding me, I’m not your little brother.” Seungmin sticks his tongue out at the older and looks away from him, instead focusing on the scenery on the right side of the road. “It worked on you, though.” Seungmin says, his tone more quiet this time. 

 

Minho smiles as he listens to his friends argue, for once feeling like he is with people who actually want him there, in their company. 

  
  
  
  
  


They drive for approximately 30 more minutes before Woojin pulls up at a diner that’s supposedly open 24 hours a day. It doesn’t look like an expensive place, but it’s cosy and inviting and seeing all the different people coming from different places to just grab a snack here makes Minho feel like he’s in some movie, on some mission to find himself. 

 

They sit in the booth way back and order a weird combo of fries and milkshakes, because supposedly they taste amazing together and no, it’s not just Seungmin who has a weird taste in food. 

 

“I’m surprised that this actually isn’t bad?” Minho says in disbelief, shaking his head a little. Who would’ve thought? 

 

“Thank you! Finally someone who agrees with me.” Seungmin bows his head a little, before digging into the fries again. 

 

“What do you mean? I’ve always liked dipping my fries into a milkshake.” Woojin says, pouting. Minho’s glad the other boys take up like 80% of the conversation, letting him just sit and enjoy the company. They don’t force him to talk and he appreciates that, Minho really likes being quiet most of the time. 

 

“Well, obviously you don’t count, hyung. We’re like the same person anyway.” Seungmin says and that takes away the pout from the older’s face, making him smile in an approving way instead.

 

“Thank you.” Woojin nods. Minho thinks this is the time when they finally all stop talking and just enjoy the atmosphere, but of course it’s different with the Kim cousins. 

 

“So, since we’re already talking about relationships and stuff-”

 

“Not smooth, Seungmin.” Woojin whispers, interrupting the younger.

 

“-I’ve never understood yours and Jisung’s.” Seungmin says, leaning his head on his elbow as he fully faces Minho. He bats his eyelashes, waiting. 

 

“You’re annoying, you know that?” Minho says, but there’s no harshness in his words. “What do you wanna know?” He says, much to his own surprise. He doesn’t know why, but he trusts these people already. 

 

“Well, I’ve been around Jisung for a long time. And I’m good at observing people, if I do say so myself. But, I swear I just don’t understand him? Is he happy?” Seungmin asks, and Minho feels himself being swallowed by the ground because he has no answers to give. He doesn’t know Jisung at all. “Does he like hanging out with all my stupid classmates? Miyeon?” 

 

“Min, don’t call others stupid.” Woojin says, but the youngers don’t pay him any attention. 

 

“I-I don’t know, Seungmin.” Minho bites his lip, making direct eye contact with the younger sitting across him. “I don’t think he’s happy with them. But I don’t know why he forces himself to be around those people either. Why he acts so fake. I remember when he wasn’t like that, you know.” 

 

“Hyung, I really think, no, I believe Jisung is only happy with you.” Seungmin whispers, like it’s the biggest secret of the century and no one’s supposed to know. Woojin nods, but Minho’s not so sure. No one knows what Jisung’s feeling.

 

“Can you show me that Miyeon girl? I swear I only graduated a year ago but I already can’t remember any of the other kids.” Woojin asks Seungmin after a while, realising Minho has nothing else to add on the topic of Jisung.

 

He doesn’t know why he’s hiding the fact that they kissed today. 

 

It’s not like Seungmin and Woojin hyung don’t know about his crush on Jisung. Or maybe it’s not even a crush, but it’s definitely  _ something  _ and Minho’s sure it’s very obvious to them. 

 

Seungmin whips out his phone from his back pocket and scrolls through Instagram until he finds Miyeon’s account. 

 

“Oh, see, this is a recent post. She posted this just a couple of minutes ago.” Seungmin says, handing the phone to Woojin without looking at it himself. 

 

Woojin stares at the picture for a while and Minho just guesses he’s trying to remember the girl. But Woojin’s eyes have always been so readable to him and Minho knows it’s full sadness he sees in them as the older gives him the phone. 

 

“You should see this.” 

 

It doesn’t come as a full surprise. Minho had seen it coming, it had always made perfect sense. 

 

It’s like when you look at the sky and you see the lighting strike and you know for sure that it’s gonna thunder any moment now-

 

But you still startle when you hear the loud noise.

 

Or when you’re standing by the toaster, waiting for the bread to pop out of it, and you know it will fly out any second. You just know. 

 

But you’re heart still skips a beat when the toast finally pops out. 

 

Minho just stares at the picture without feeling anything. He doesn’t feel how the time passes by or how life goes on around him or how his cheeks heat up or how the Kim cousins are staring at him with, waiting. 

 

“What’s going on?” Seungmin finally whispers to Woojin. 

 

“Jisung asked Miyeon out. They’re official.”  

 

Maybe Minho should’ve been worried when Jisung left.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so there's that....... i..  
> im sorry??????????????????????????????????????????????? i really hope u guys dont see this as unnecessary angst and dont hate me but like ive said before I need to let my emotions out here and i always knew how this story was gonna go i had it planned out from the beginning so trust me when i say a happy ending will come. only a couple of chapters left and IM SAD ireally love this story and i love u guys that read this and comment and share ur emotions too ijust love this little minsung family!!! u moonsuns make me so happy. im also returning to twitter soon so i hope we can all talk!!! schools ending in 2 weeks so i hope i can end this story soon, its what yall deserve. i love u and take care <3 
> 
> [if anyone also cares i think i mentioned my dog died a while ago and i finally got a new puppy and her name is lola-aphrodite and she makes me so so so happy i hope u all have the chance to get a dog one day]


	14. Let Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i proofread this while on a cinema date and i cant say i absolutely Love this ch but oh well

Minho doesn’t rush home that night. He takes his sweet time walking towards the front door, entering the familiar house and eventually walking up the stairs to the room he and Jisung share. A huge part of him wishes Jisung isn’t there, but considering how late it is and how Jisung never stays out when it’s already dark, he just knows the younger will be inside that room. 

 

The second he pushes the door open, he will see Jisung. 

 

He will see the same boy that kissed him just this morning. The same boy that just a couple of hours ago asked out the girl who’s hurt Minho the most. 

 

Minho’s hands are shaking, his whole body is trembling as he stands behind the closed door, thinking about all the scenarios that might take place when he sees Jisung. 

 

Are they gonna fight? Are they gonna yell stupid things at each other that will end up hurting them both? Or are they gonna ignore each other like nothing has happened? Like Jisung didn’t tear Minho's heart out with his actions. 

 

He guesses he just has to find out. 

 

Minho takes a deep breath before he opens the door, shoving it open quite forcefully. But the room is completely dark and Minho can easily imagine how Jisung is already sleeping under his warm blanket, not giving a damn about Minho who’s still standing in the doorway, dumbstruck.

 

Can Jisung really not hear the way Minho’s heart is beating so loudly in his chest, so violently like it’s gonna break out soon? Because Minho’s sure the whole neighbourhood can hear him right now. Can hear the way he’s breaking apart. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


They go the whole week without talking to each other. Again. All the anger Minho had felt that Sunday evening has died out slowly, and Minho doesn’t feel the need to say anything at all every time he happens to pass by Jisung. 

 

Changbin hyung, Woojin hyung and even Seungmin still check up on him every day and Minho appreciates their sweet text messages. Changbin hyung even decides to take him out for coffee one evening, and even if it’s in the same coffee shop the latter works at, Minho’s still glad. 

 

Because Changbin has always been his happy place, his go-to person, almost like his other half. And he knows he will get through everything with the support from the older.

 

Somehow, in the midst of everything, Minho made some great friends. And even if he still sometimes tries to act like he’s so carefree and he has no emotions and whatsoever, his friends don’t mind the act. They try to understand instead. 

 

But still, Minho’s just a boy. He’s a boy with pent up emotions, and even if he wants to think he’s stronger than  _ this, _ there’s nothing he can do when Miyeon takes a step into the house Minho has grown to start calling his home, hand in hand with Jisung. He can’t control his feelings no longer.

 

“Honey! You could’ve told me Miyeon is joining us for dinner,” Mrs. Han scolds, but there’s a smile tugging at the corners of her lips as she greets the couple standing in the hallway. Minho can see from the way Mrs. Han looks at Miyeon that she’s proud of Jisung for ending up together with someone like Miyeon. After all, she does look like an angel to everyone.

 

“I’m sure you made plenty of food, mom.” Jisung says, smiling. He lets Miyeon do the talking as he lets go of the girl’s hand and takes off his shoes, paying the other two no attention. Minho just stands on top of the stairs, not really believing what’s going on in front of his eyes. Of course, no one else notices him. Only Jisung seems to. 

 

The quick eye contact the two share feels more intimate than anything that’s happened between them and Minho feels a shiver run down his back as Jisung stares at him with his stupid eyes. His stupid confusing eyes that hold so many emotions and nothing at the same time.

 

Minho wishes those eyes would stay on him forever.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Of course, Minho ends up seated across Miyeon, and so the whole dinner he has to stare at her fake eyelashes and annoying grin as she obnoxiously laughs at everything Mrs. Han says. Minho swears her strong cologne is the only reason he has no appetite. Not the thought of Jisung spending his whole life with Miyeon, no, not at all.

 

Miyeon tries so hard to be liked by Mrs. Han and Minho really has no idea why. Does Miyeon not understand Mrs. Han has already fallen in love with her ( _ fake self) _ ? 

 

It’s even worse when they start talking about Miyeon’s interests. You could say that really ruined Minho’s Friday, but there’s nothing he can do about it. He can’t leave. He has to be respectful and friendly, for Mrs. Han atleast. 

 

From the corner of his eye, Minho sees Jisung isn’t that excited either. To be honest, he has been sitting quietly the whole night, completely zoned out. He only smiles when Miyeon nudges him slightly now and then to get atleast some reaction out of him.

 

Minho thinks this all serves him right. 

 

“Well, this sure has been a lovely evening,” Mrs. Han smiles, and Miyeon looks just as happy. “I know you have always been a good friend to Jisung, but this feels even better. You’re a very nice young lady.” 

 

“Mom, please,” Jisung begs, embarrassed. By the looks of it, he can’t wait until this is finally over, and well, Minho can relate. 

 

“You two look great together.” Mrs. Han says, and maybe it’s her old feelings and memories getting to her that she seems to be hiding behind rose-colored glasses right now. Mrs. Han never seemed the type to believe in love, but maybe Minho doesn’t know her that well. Maybe Mrs. Han still misses her old partner, maybe she’s still in love with Jisung’s father.

 

“If only my baby Minho could find someone like you, Miyeon.” Mrs. Han sighs, and Minho almost chokes on his own spit. With a loud crash he stands up, only then realising he had dropped his glass. 

 

“Are you kidding me?” Minho asks, disbelief so clear in his voice it’s hard to miss. 

 

“Sweetheart, what are you doing?” Mrs. Han asks, trying to control his voice. She looks confused, maybe even hurt by Minho’s sudden outburst. Minho doesn’t even dare to look at Jisung, he doesn’t want to see his stupid smirk or pleased face. Because Jisung finally got to him. 

 

“Excuse me,” Minho says, before turning around and running upstairs. He hears Mrs. Han yell after him, but he doesn’t care. He refuses to spend any more seconds around Miyeon and her stupid fucking face. 

 

He sits down on his bed, and with shaking hands he tries to call Changbin. Keyword - tries. Because only thinking about how much Miyeon and Jisung must be enjoying this right now just adds fuel to the fire. 

 

_ If only my baby Minho could find someone like you, Miyeon. If only my baby Minho could find someone like you, Miyeon. If only my baby Minho could find someone like you- _

 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Jisung asks, stepping into their shared bedroom. “You just love embarrassing me, don’t you. You always want to ruin things for me.” Jisung continues, walking closer to Minho. Just one look at the younger, and Minho feels like ripping his own hair out.  

 

“You’re kidding me, right. You  _ have _ to be kidding me.” Minho says, standing up and pushing Jisung lightly. “Even you can’t be that stupid to blame me in this.” 

 

“What are you talking about?” Jisung asks, furious as he takes a step further away from Minho. Minho just follows him. 

 

“You brought her here! You fucking asked her out! Do you still choose to ignore all the stuff she’s done to me?” Minho asks, cornering Jisung against the wall. He knows if the people downstairs wanted to, they could easily hear Minho and Jisung arguing right now. 

 

Minho couldn’t care less.

 

“What stuff, Minho hyung? You’re fucking delusional.” 

 

“Don’t call me delusional.” Minho tries to push Jisung again, but the younger stops him by putting his hands on Minho’s shoulder. 

 

Jisung laughs, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “It’s true, though. You just want my attention. You want everyone's attention. You’ve always been like this, hyung.”

 

“You’re such a fucking brat, you know that?” Minho asks, staring at Jisung as he’s still pressing him against the wall. “Why did you have to- why did you have to fucking kiss me? Did it mean nothing to you? Were you just having fun?” Minho says, lowering his tone this time. But Jisung drops the eye contact, and softens the hold he had on Minho’s shoulders.

 

“Hyung-” Jisung starts, but doesn’t say anything else. Minho just stares at his lowered face, the way his eyelashes flutter and how he breathes so heavily. For once, Jisung looks vulnerable. 

 

Minho doesn't want it to look like he's taking advantage of the state the younger's currently in, but he also can't stop thinking about how it had felt when he kissed him. His plump lips against his. His hands tangled in Minho's hair. Minho wants to, he  _ needs _ to feel all of it again.

 

“Try and tell me this means nothing to you.” Minho whispers against Jisung’s lips, before he finally closes the distance between them. He doesn’t push it, instead he kisses the younger slowly, without any rush, savouring the sweet taste. And Jisung kisses him back. 

 

Minho swears he wasn't imagining it, Jisung really kissed him back. Even if it had only been for a short moment.

 

“I can’t, I’m sorry.” Jisung says, pushing Minho away. Jisung doesn’t even look him in the eye while doing so. 

 

All of this really was meaningless to the younger. 

 

But Minho can't say the same.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading!!! im still slow with updates but the ending of the school year was rly tough :( atleast its over now..
> 
> ive been reading minsung fanfics till 3 am every day its so BAD but this got me to finally update so here it is!!! i wish i liked it more but im too tired to rewrite the whole chapter :( pls tell me ur honest opinions down below or in my cc! AND THANK U FOR ALL THE SUPPORT I MEAN... IVE NEVER GOTTEN THIS MANY COMMENTS IT MADE ME SO SO HAPPY I LOVE YOU MOONSUNS <3 
> 
> also pls stream skz TMT thank u !!! bye see u soon


	15. What Am I to You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before we get into this.. id like to thank u all from the bottom of my heart for +300 kudos!! this means the whole world to me and i cant believe im so so so blessed to have you guys read my story (just realised its gonna be 1 year soon since i started wtf) ((also +30k words wow)) AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE FEEDBACK AAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE COMMENTS U GUYS LEAVE!!!! i love minsung and i absolutely love u all moonsuns. thank you again <3
> 
> tw/ vomiting, mentions of starving in the beginning

 

“Wake up, sleepyhead.” Changbin’s voice startles Minho out of his sleep, and the younger let’s out a loud groan when he finds Changbin annoyingly hovering over him, his hands frantically waving in front of Minho’s face. Changbin’s shit-eating grin leaves his face in a split second when he sees how tired and underweight Minho looks. “Don’t tell me you skipped school again. How are you gonna graduate looking like _this?_ ” 

 

“Aw, no need to be so nice towards me, hyung.” Minho rolls his eyes as Changbin walks away, and even though every bone in Minho’s body hates him for it, he slowly pushes himself up and follows behind the older. 

 

He reaches for a glass of water as Changbin unpacks the bag of groceries. 

 

“Tell me you didn’t spend the whole day lying on the couch again.” Changbin gives Minho a quick look, shaking his head when Minho just shrugs. “You’re like my annoying pet. Like a.. Cat! You just sleep all day and do nothing. Except for the fact that you _haven’t eaten again!_ ” Changbin raises his voice as he rummages through the fridge.

 

“I wasn’t hungry.” Minho says, leaning against the kitchen counter. That’s not entirely a lie, considering how Minho lost his appetite weeks ago. 

 

“Min, please!” Changbin growls, his tone sharp but eyes filled with concern. “I can’t babysit you all day, you know that. I’m fine with you living here, and I don’t really expect anything from you, but you can’t worry me like this. It’s bad enough I have to work all day long, I really have no energy to feed you like a baby.” 

 

“You don’t need to worry about me, hyung.” Minho says, trying to sound assuring. He loves his best friend and he’s so grateful for him, but right now he’s fine. He doesn’t need this. “If it makes you feel any better, I had a slice of lemon earlier.” 

 

Minho tries to change the conversation into a lighter direction, but obviously it’s not working, judging by Changbin’s piercing gaze. “Do you really think starving yourself will make Mrs. Han happy? And _Jisung?”_  

 

“Don’t mention him.” Minho snaps, turning around. He’s ready to storm out of the kitchen, but Changbin’s hand around his wrist stops him.

 

“I’m sorry, Min. I went too far.” Changbin let’s go of Minho’s wrist when he’s made sure the younger isn’t gonna run away, but he doesn’t back away. “I’m just tired. I shouldn’t take it out on you, though. I know we promised not to talk about.. him.” 

 

Minho’s heart is still beating out of his chest, only because of the mention of Jisung’s name, but he tells himself to calm down as he faces his best friend. Changbin has done so much for Minho, he won’t be upset just because of one comment. 

 

“No, it’s okay, hyung. I understand and I’m sorry.” Minho smiles a little, hoping it’s convincing enough. “Let’s eat some dinner and then you can go to bed.” 

 

“You will eat with me?” Changbin asks, surprised. He looks hopeful again, like maybe Minho isn’t a lost case yet. Minho nods, even though he knows he will probably end up vomiting it all out. He just wants to make Changbin happy, even if it’s with a help of a little white lie.

 

“Let’s get started then! I wanna cook something good.” Changbin pats Minho on his back, suddenly excited like a little toddler. Minho can’t help but smile, realising his lie had worked so easily. 

 

Later, when Changbin is already safely tucked under his blanket, and Minho makes sure the older was in fact asleep, he finds himself kneeling by the toilet again. He tries not to think about what Changbin had said, how he had accused Minho of starving himself as he feels surges of vomit rising from his stomach. 

 

It really wasn’t that deep, he assures himself. Minho is sure his appetite will come back one day, as will his emotions and will to keep living. To keep fighting. 

 

It still feels disgusting, as Minho stares at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, when he sees the traces of vomit on his chin and the tears that had slipped down his cheeks just because vomiting had hurt his throat so bad. He has no time to pity himself, though, as he quickly climbs under the shower and tries to scrub the impure feeling off.

 

After that he falls asleep quickly, even though he has done nothing for the past weeks, except sleeping his days away. Still, he remembers that a certain someone is supposed to visit him again tomorrow, and he needs to prepare himself mentally for that. He loves his friends, he really does, but their worrying can be very tiring.

 

Minho can’t help but think it’s his own fault for ending up in a situation like this. Maybe if he just went back home-

  
  
  


It’s like a snap of fingers, and Minho can already register someone’s yelling through his sleepy state, far down in the hallway.

 

“Good afternoon, hyung. Your favorite dongsaeng has arrived!” Minho hears Seungmin’s talking getting closer, not even surprised by the fact that the younger let himself into Changbin’s apartment again. “Did you really sleep all through the morning again?”

 

“Um, maybe.” Minho mumbles, as he sits up and rubs his eyes. He tries to focus his vision on the latter, but he still feels too tired. “Changbin hyung told me your coming but I still forgot.” 

 

“Why am I not surprised?” Seungmin huffs, but he ruffles Minho’s hair gently before he sits down on the floor in front of him, crossing his legs. “What have you been up to?” Seungmin asks, his tone more concerned now that he is actually face to face with Minho. 

 

He knows his messy hair and bloated face do him no justice right now, as Seungmin’s eyes fill with worry. “Ah shit, here we go again.” Minho tries to joke, but stops when Seungmin doesn’t laugh. 

 

“Language, hyung.” Seungmin shakes his head, but his eyes look a little lighter, happier. Atleast Minho hopes so.

 

“Korean.” He pokes his tongue out in a playful manner.

 

“Sometimes I wonder who’s the younger one of us.” Seungmin sighs. “But I’m gonna let you off the hook right now because you seem to be in a good mood and I’ve missed that.” 

 

To be honest, Minho wouldn’t exactly say he’s feeling anything different than he did on the previous days, and to top it off, all this vomiting and over-sleeping has given him a terrible headache, but he wants to make his friends less worried. He’s also reminded by the fact that he's graduating so _so_ soon and he will miss Seungmin when he has to leave. Minho would regret wasting his time that he could’ve spent with the younger.

 

Maybe Minho should’ve been more careful about letting the younger into his heart that easily, but it’s too late now, isn’t it. He cares too much about the brown-haired boy, and he knows Seungmin cares about him too. 

 

Ever since Minho left home, Seungmin has visited him from time to time, just to gossip and talk about whatever he felt like Minho needed to hear about. And even if Minho was confused by Seungmin’s intentions at first, he does realise the younger just cares about his well-being and wants to see him happy again. 

 

If that’s still possible after everything. 

 

“I guess I’m feeling better.” Minho says.

 

Seungmin’s smile is blinding as he reaches for Minho’s hands, tugging at them. “Should we go out? Not somewhere crowded, _no,_ just take a little walk to Changbin hyung’s workplace? I’m sure he would love to see you there, too. And we can bribe him into making us free coffee, what do you think?” The younger rambles, not even letting Minho speak.

 

The thought of going out after weeks is scary, but kind of exciting too. Minho really misses the feeling of sunshine tingling on his skin and how the wind always rushes through his bones (figuratively, of course). He’s also too scared to let Seungmin down (again) and make that precious smile vanish from his face, so he simply just nods and lets the younger pull him towards the bathroom to usher him into washing up.

 

“You get ready and I’ll let Changbin hyung know we’re coming, okay?” Seungmin excitedly knocks on the bathroom door, and Minho can actually imagine him jumping up and down like a kid who’s about to get a new toy from his parents. Seungmin is really cute like this.

  
  
  


“Those lattes better be on the house, hyung.” Minho says, as he reaches to accept his coffee from Changbin’s hands. Changbin had been pleasantly surprised when he saw Minho and Seungmin walking in, and even if the whole situation felt a little bit over dramatic to Minho, he didn’t blame his friends. Maybe he really had been neglecting them for too long.

 

“I’ll have to pay for them with my salary, but what’s even the point of telling you guys this? It’s not like you care if I'll end up poor because of you two.” Changbin rolls his eyes, but there’s a twinkle in his eyes and a lazy smile on his lips. Changbin looks happy.

 

“Hyung, don’t talk like that.” Seungmin says, serious. “You know I put a lot of energy into wasting all of your money.. One could even say it’s like my life mission. It’s not just a joke, okay.”

 

Minho snorts as he watches his friends bicker, amused. 

 

“Why do I even put up with you, Seungmin?” Changbin rolls his eyes, again, but Seungmin just shrugs.

 

“Maybe because I’m adorable.” 

 

“Well I don’t know about that, but I do feel sorry for Woojin hyung.” Changbin sighs, and Minho can’t help but nod. He can’t even imagine what it must feel like, being Seungmin’s older cousin and stuff.

 

But Seungmin doesn’t even look up from his phone as he seems to be texting someone. “I’m sorry, I couldn’t really hear you, I’m busy texting and having a life.”

 

As they fall into an easy banter, the coffee shop empty from other customers aside from Minho and Seungmin, the older can’t help but notice how Seungmin constantly keeps checking his phone and fidgeting on his stool. But Minho’s sure there’s no one Seungmin could be waiting for, and he doesn’t want to pry either, so he tries to not think about it. 

 

When he excuses himself to the bathroom and comes back to the sight of Changbin and Seungmin having a hushed conversation, anxiety starts pooling in the pit of his stomach. 

 

“What are you guys arguing about?” He asks, not liking the way his friends startle at the sound of his voice. He doesn’t also miss the quick eye contact the other two share, as if trying to come up with a lie. 

 

“Seungmin was just showing me a video-”

 

“Yes, I-I was showing him a video of cats-”

 

“Climbing a tree.” Changbin rushes, faking a laugh. “It was _very_ funny.” He says, quickly giving Seungmin his phone back, like it had started to burn Changbin’s skin. Of course Minho’s not dumb, he knows his friends are keeping something from him, but instead he just nods, like he fell for their lie. It's easier that way.

 

“Okay.” He reaches for his jacket, missing the way Seungmin twitched a little, thinking Minho was reaching out to take his phone instead. “Well, I think I’m gonna head back. Even though we had fun, I’m pretty tired.” 

 

“Already, Min?” Changbin asks, stepping out from behind the counter. “Sure you don’t wanna stay any longer?” 

 

“Yeah, Minho hyung, Changbin hyung could even make you more coffee. Or tea. Or do you prefer some cake, perhaps?” Seungmin worries his bottom lip between his teeth, his nerves failing him. He really is a bad liar. “It’s on the house, _of course.”_

 

Changbin scoffs for a mere second, but doesn’t say anything as they both wait for Minho to speak. He knows his friends are up to something fishy and it’s his final time to run, to escape from whatever’s about to come. 

 

“It’s okay, I’d really rather go home. Maybe even do some last minute school work.” Minho lies, hoping his friends will let him go that way. He knows they’ve been worried about his undone school works. 

 

“Um, sure then. Do you want me to-” But Seungmin’s question dies on his lips as the bell on the front door chimes, letting them know of a new customer. Minho feels all air leave his lungs as he makes eye contact with Changbin, already knowing by the look in his best friend’s eyes who the person standing behind him is. 

 

_So this is what Seungmin was really up to._

 

“Minho hyung.” The incomer says, and even if he talks quietly, somehow his voice still rings clearly in Minho’s head. It always does. “Can we talk, please?” 

 

Unlike Minho’s crazy and fast heartbeat, he takes his sweet time turning around and finally looking at Jisung. He notices the way Jisung’s hands are stuffed deep into his jacket pockets, because even if he’s mostly well-behaved, he has never been able to get rid of this disrespectful habit. He stares at Jisung’s messy hair, the wind having mussed it up pretty badly, and his reddening cheeks. He even takes a second to look at those familiar pink lips, but he just ends up feeling his heart break into millions of tiny pieces again. 

 

_You mean nothing to him, remember?_

 

“ _We_ don’t have anything to talk about.” Minho says, his voice icy as he pushes past Jisung, not even giving the younger a second glance as he reaches for the door handle. 

 

He hears Seungmin’s pleads and how Minho should just try to hear him out, but right now he really doesn’t care. Minho leaves the coffee shop as quickly as possible, knowing full well coming here was a mistake.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .. so Huh what was this angst for :D  
>  im actually very scared to say this but this story is coming to an end.. even if im not happy thinking about it, i think minsung deserve to get their happy ending already. and u readers deserve some minsung fluff too, i know.  
> I still hope u let me know ur thoughts on this chapter! and if ur interested heres some selfless promo: i posted a minsung oneshot and its DOMESTIC AS FUCK! (im surprised too, i know) so if ur interested feel free to read hehe 
> 
> hope u all stay happy and healthy <3

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! pls leave me any feedback/thoughts in the comments or my cc [taegukked](https://curiouscat.me/taegukked)  
> my twt - [@chnbangs](https://twitter.com/chnbangs)  
> 


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